Fear The Things You Love, Seek The Things You Fear
by You.Can't.Hear.Me.Screaming
Summary: Kurogane is everything to Fai, but Fai doesn't want anyone hurt because he got involved. His internal battles become much more complicated after Fai wanders around alone in a big city. Suddenly he fears what he loves most, and with good reason...
1. Chapter 1

Fear The Things You Love; Seek The Things You Fear

Chapter 1:

(A.N: Alright, so I'm just going to let you know, number signs, show that time is passing, or the scene is changing, you'll understand as the fic goes on. And _'this means it's a thought,'_ while **this means it's Fai speaking in French **Also, this fic may be kind of spoiler-ish…).

Sunlight filtered itself through the blondes eyelashes, and he slowly opened his brilliant blue eyes. He blinked twice before he was able to look around at his surroundings. He was sitting on the floor, which is where he'd slept that night. On the bed to his right, lie Sakura, who was still fast asleep. Curled in her arm, was Mokona. And, on the floor at the foot of her bed, Syaoran sat, still fast asleep. When Fai turned his head to the left, he saw the last member of the group, sleeping while sitting upright, in the corner of the room. _Kurogane._

Comfortable that everyone was still fast asleep, Fai carefully rose to his feet. He noted that it may be a while before anyone else woke up, and decided that he'd go out for a walk. He walked across the wooden floorboards as quietly as he could manage, and picked up his coat, which slid off of the chair it had been hung on, with minimal noise. He pulled it on. He then went to the doorway, and pulled on his shoes one at a time. He checked the room again to make sure that everyone was still asleep. Mokona, Sakura, and Syaoran were still sleeping, and when his eyes fell onto Kurogane, the male was still in dreamland. Fai's gaze returned to the door; he was safe.

He gripped the handle and twisted it slowly, trying to make as little noise as he could. But when the door moved from its threshold, someone stirred. Fai paused, waiting.

"Fai…Where are you going?" A quiet voice questioned him from across the room.

"I'm just going for a walk," Fai answered, relieved that it had not been Kurogane who had woken,

"I don't want to wake anyone up, so I thought I'd go wander around for a bit."

"Oh…But you'll come back, right Fai?" The small, white, rabbit-like creature questioned him.

Fai turned his head towards Mokona, closed his eyes and put on his big, fake smile,

"Of course I will," he answered.

_**##**_

Fai had been walking around for a while. He could tell because the sun had moved to a higher position in the sky. He was enjoying the crunch of snow beneath his feet, and the crisp, cool air didn't really bother him. This world was nothing like Celes. In Celes, his life was a hell. Here, he could relax a bit.

The crunching beneath his feet stopped as he came to a halt. If he went much further, he'd be going downhill. Instead, he sat himself down. This world seemed innocent enough. A village sat below him, and some of the houses ran up the hill. They had all stayed in the room of one of these said houses last night.

Fai watched as children played down below. They threw snowballs, made snow angels, and snowmen…They laughed and chased each other in their various games. And Fai simply watched, smiling at how happy they all seemed.

He wasn't entirely sure when the flakes started to fall down onto him, but he didn't pay them much attention. He was absorbed in what he was observing.

_**##**_

Sakura's green eyes fluttered open. Carefully, she detached herself from Mokona, and sat up, yawning. Her shifting on the bed caused Syaoran to open his eyes as well. He blinked and turned his brown eyed gaze on Sakura.

"Good morning Princess," he said kindly, and in a lowered voice, having noticed that Kurogane was still asleep at the far end of the room.

Sakura glanced at Kurogane before returning her gaze to Syaoran,

"Good morning," she answered quietly. She smiled at him, and then allowed for her eyes to scan the room. However, upon having done this, she realized someone was missing…

"Where's Fai?" She wondered aloud, looking to the place where the male had gone to sleep.

"I'm not sure," Syaoran answered, following the Princesses gaze.

"Mokona knows! Mokona knows!" Mokona announced from Sakura's lap, causing the two to look back to him,

"Fai went off earlier this morning, for a walk. He was up really early, and he didn't have anything to do…So he wandered away!"

"And he still hasn't come back?" Syaoran questioned.

"Mokona hasn't seen him since he left!" Mokona answered, looking kind of bothered.

"That's troubling," Sakura answered, looking out the window,

"I wonder where Fai could be…"

It was then that they heard it. A shuffling sound from across the room. A familiar black cape was thrown onto a body, and shoes returned to the males feet. He grabbed his red umbrella he'd gotten from this world, as well as Fai's blue one. He liked these. They reminded him of him home…Just by the way they'd been styled.

"Kurogane?" Syaoran questioned.

The male glanced at him,

"I'll go look for the wizard."

_**##**_

Fai continued to watch over the children from his spot up on the hill. He had always wondered what it would be like, being a parent. However, he wasn't sure he'd ever become one…His interest didn't quite lead him down the path to Fatherhood.

In fact, he didn't know if his interest _knew_ that they happened to _be_ an _interest._

He didn't really care to find out. No, he _couldn't_ find out. Doing so would go against all of his rules, it would rip apart the very walls he'd put up to protect himself, and to protect the people around him. He knew already that he was meant to stay alone. In the end, he would end up back home – in Celes, with the walls crumbling around him – in a rather literal sense. If anyone besides himself killed Ashura…Well, he knew what was destined to happen.

He had been selfish enough in his life. He deserved to be deprived of love, and for now, he could just bask in his friendships…Even though, that was technically breaking his rules as well…

_But one could only be so distant…_

_**##**_

The footprints were getting harder to see, because the snow kept on falling, and the prints were getting slowly filled with snow. He had his red umbrella opened above his head as he walked with it, to keep the snow off of himself. And in one hand, Fai's blue umbrella, so the blonde would have something to keep the snow off of himself – assuming the idiot had left his hood down on his coat.

Kurogane was getting anxious. Fai had left hours ago, so shouldn't he be on his way back by now? What if he'd been injured, or something?

_He didn't want to picture the blonde that way._

He quickened his pace slightly. Some people had wandered out of their homes and were wandering about, doing various activities. Kurogane paid them little attention. His focus was currently on finding his blonde companion who had disappeared earlier that morning.

As he passed the villagers, some spoke of him. The strange male clad in black attire. Who was he? Where did he come from? Who were his friends that they had seen him travelling around with the other day? It was all the same. They were _so curious_ about him and his friends…

He tried to block out their chatter as he kept his eyes open and on the look out for Fai. Where the hell was he? What did that idiot think he was doing, taking off on everyone like that?

_Why hadn't he come back yet?_

Kurogane's mind was full of questions pertaining to the wizard, so full in fact that he was starting to drown out the villagers around him.

He stopped walking, and looked around himself in all directions. The villagers. Something _weird_ was going on…They were all talking in some _strange_ tongue…

Right. He didn't have Mokona with him. This was the end of the little furballs language barrier then. _Great._ So now, not _only _did he have to_ find_ Fai. Now he also had to _find_ Fai,_ and_ get him back within the barrier without them _understanding_ each other.

_This was just not his day._

_**##**_

"I really hope they're alright," Sakura said, gazing out the window into the snow covered scene before her. She didn't see any signs of their friends yet, and it was starting to trouble her.

"I'm sure they're fine," Syaoran told her, trying to sound comforting.

"I hope so," Sakura answered, looking over to him,

"I just worry about them sometimes. It's strange, not having them where we can watch over them."

"Yeah," Syaoran agreed with a nod.

"Especially…Especially when they have so much to learn still…" Sakura finished, returning her gaze to the window.

Syaoran almost wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure that Sakura would tell him. He just followed her gaze, and wondered when the two would come back.

_**##**_

There was the sound of crunching behind him, but he didn't pay it any mind. He was still off in his own little world. The crunching stopped right behind him. His blue umbrella landed next to him, closed. And the snowflakes stopped falling onto him. He tipped his head back.

A familiar red umbrella was hanging over his head. A tan arm extending it out to cover him. Fai smiled a bit, and put his arms behind him for support, as he leaned back a bit more. As he did this, he could see a familiar figure clad in black attire, standing behind him.

"**Kuro-poo,"** he greeted,

"**What are you doing here?"**

Kurogane didn't answer. Instead, he pointed to Fai's umbrella. Fai picked it up, and slowly got to his feet.

"**But I have my hood, I don't need my umbrella…Remember?"** He tugged at the hood for emphasis. Kurogane reached out and grabbed hold of the males hood, his fingers brushing with Fai's as he pulled the hood around a little so that Fai could see. Fai looked down.

"**Oh…It's full of snow!" **Fai laughed a little and opened his umbrella. Inside, he was swelling up with joy. Kurogane had known that he would have his hood down, and had thought ahead enough to bring Fai his umbrella. Fai felt his cheeks light up _ever so slightly_. He _knew_ he shouldn't feel this way. It was _wrong._ It was_ beyond_ wrong. He was _supposed_ to be _alone._

_But the gesture had been so sweet…_

"**We should head back now, shouldn't we?"** Fai questioned, holding his umbrella up over his head.

Kurogane still didn't answer him. He just started walking away.

Fai's stomach twisted into a _very_ uncomfortable knot. He knew that he should just start walking, and play it off like he didn't care that Kurogane wasn't speaking to him. But…It _hurt_…

Kurogane stopped walking and turned to see if Fai had followed him. The blonde was staring at the ground. Frustrated, Kurogane walked back over to him. He didn't really think about what he was doing, instead he just did what he could. He held onto his umbrella with one hand, and with the other one, he took Fai's free hand. Then, he started walking, tugging the shorter male along with him.

Fai wasn't entirely sure how he should feel. Kurogane was pulling him along, his warm hand clasped around Fai's cold one. The heat gave him goosebumps. Yet still, Fai's mind was troubled. Why hadn't Kurogane spoken to him? Why was he being so quiet? Part of him tried to push away the thoughts, tried not to care. That was the part of him that had put up these walls in the first place. But it was _troubling_…

When they finally stopped walking, Kurogane let go of his hand and turned to face him,

"You're an idiot," he told him simply. Before Fai could speak, Kurogane continued,

"You should have come back _sooner._ Everyone was worried. I came looking for you, afraid that I might find you injured somewhere."

'_No Kergy,'_ Fai silently begged him,

'_Please, don't care about me…'_

"And as for why I didn't speak to you back there," Kurogane addressed the subject without Fai mentioning it in the slightest. Fai looked up, slightly amazed.

"We were outside of the sound barrier that Mokona provides. I have no idea what you were saying, nor would you have understood me. I thought it would be easier to just drag you back into the barrier so that we could actually _understand_ one another."

Fai plastered that big smile of his onto his face,

"Well, that explains why you were being so quiet back there. And here I thought you didn't like me," he teased.

"Maybe I should have left you out in the snow," Kurogane mumbled, as he turned to walk away. Fai kept his smile on and opened his eyes, looking around the village. His eyes fell onto something he hadn't expected to see.

_**##**_

"They'll be back soon," Sakura said, standing up,

"Maybe we should make something to eat. The family that lives here left us a big basket of food to cook."

"I think that's a great idea. Then we can all have a meal before we go out to look for the feather," Syaoran agreed.

"Yeah! Mokona wants to help cook! Mokona wants to help!" Mokona cheered, hopping onto Sakura's shoulder.

"'Kay," she agreed with a smile.

_**##**_

Kurogane turned back around. And, once again, Fai was standing there, motionless. However, this time, his eyes were wide in fear, instead of focused on the ground. Kurogane walked back to him slowly. Cautiously.

Fai stared in utter disbelief.

At first, his eyes had been drawn in, because of two small boys clad in the same attire. Both were blonde haired, and had green eyes. And it hadn't taken Fai long to understand why he was staring at them. It wasn't that they had looked _similar._ They were much _more_ than that.

_They were identical._

But what had him staring in horror was who the two boys had stopped to talk to.

A taller, older male, with long black hair. His eyes were dark. He smiled down upon the twins. And as he looked up, his eyes met with Fai's gaze. He looked at him, almost confused as Fai stood staring.

He couldn't tear his eyes off of him. Because he simply _couldn't_ be here. Fai would know him anywhere, without question…

_Ashura._

The interior of Kurogane's red umbrella was suddenly all that Fai could see. He blinked in confusion before he allowed himself to face the tanned male.

Kurogane didn't ask any questions, though his eyes were _full_ of them. Fai didn't think, he was still in too much of a shock to do that. Instead, he closed his umbrella and pulled on his hood, because he felt way too out in the open without it on.

He yelped in surprise when the snow slid down his back.

"Idiot. Why would you pull on your hood when you knew it had snow in it?" Kurogane questioned, watching the male shiver.

'_How could I remember, when I saw him here?'_ Fai thought.

Kurogane was staring at Fai now. The wizard was acting really _weird._ And he still looked terrified. Things were bad if Fai couldn't even pull on his mask. Kurogane sighed and closed his umbrella, dropping it. Then, he carefully removed Fai's coat from his body. Fai watched him in confusion. Kurogane placed Fai's coat on the ground. He then started brushing snow off of Fai. With this completed, Fai watched as Kurogane undid the cape he was wearing. He then proceeded to pull it off, and wrap it around Fai, tying it onto him. And as Kurogane bent down to pick up Fai's coat and the umbrellas, Fai wrapped the cape around himself, holding it close.

When Kurogane stood, he held Fai's umbrella in one hand, and draped his coat over his arm. Then, with his other hand, he opened his own umbrella, and held it up, over both of their heads.

Kurogane was now basically bare armed in the snow, while Fai was wrapped up in his cape.

Fai didn't know what to say. His conscience was telling him to not getting any closer. To stop. That this was _wrong._

_But the pounding of his heart soon blocked out that voice that had been screaming at him._

_**(A.N: Wow, okay, so this took me forever! Hopefully you guys enjoyed it though! There will be more…This is going to get really miserable, but you probably expected that from me, considering I always write sad things. Well, hope you'll R&R, and I'll try to get chapter 2 up soon!)**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**(A.N: Alright, chapter two! It took me a while to type this out. Sorry if Fai and Kurogane get a bit OC in the later part of this chapter…But, I TRIED to keep them in character as much as I could, considering what was happening…Also, number signs mean that the scenes changing, or time is passing, and **_'this means thoughts' _**But you guys know the drill already, so ENJOY THE CHAPTER!)**  


He was unbelievably _warm_, wrapped up in Kurogane's cape. And the collar came up around his neck, covering the flesh there. And the males scent was all around him as he was walking. Fai hadn't realized that Kurogane smelled this _good_…

He told himself not to think of the male in that fashion any further than he already had. He knew what his fate was, and he knew that he could only avoid it for so long, before it finally caught up with him.

A big part of Fai mourned for what he was missing out on by pushing everyone away.

_**##**_

"You're back!" Sakura announced, rushing over to them. She stopped a few feet away, taking in the scene before her. Kurogane was holding the umbrellas, and Fai's coat. Fai was wrapped in Kurogane's cape. She smiled,

"Welcome back."

Fai plastered his big, fake smile onto his face once again,

"Thanks Sakura."

Kurogane looked over to Fai. He wanted to ask about Fai's little episode earlier…But he'd much rather ask when they were alone. He didn't want to bring up the subject in front of the kids. Besides, he had a pretty good idea that Fai had reacted to seeing someone he knew from his own world. Kurogane's gut feeling told him that Fai had seen the duplicate of the man who Fai was running away from.

"Come on you two, Syaoran and I made breakfast!" Sakura explained, heading back towards the kitchen.

"Mokona helped! Mokona helped!" The small, white creature announced, jumping up and down.

"It smells wonderful," Fai answered. He removed his shoes, stepping up onto the main floor. Kurogane returned the umbrellas to their bin, and hung up Fai's coat, so that it'd dry out. He then proceeded to remove his own shoes.

Fai was looking down at the cape, slightly confused. How on _Earth_ had Kurogane managed to tie this onto him? From this position, it looked a lot more complicated than it should.

Two tan hands reached out, and gently started untying the strings. Fai closed his eyes, his big smile still etched out onto his face. He lifted his head,

"Thanks Kuro-puu. I'm afraid your cape is a little more _confusing_ than it looks."

"Hmph," Kurogane answered,

"You can dodge the subject for now, but you know I'll be asking later."

Fai's eyes opened, and he allowed for his mask to falter,

"I wish you wouldn't try to find out things about me Kergs. I'm not someone people should be involved with."

"You're involved with us no matter what angle you look at it from," Kurogane told him simply, as he finished untying the strings,

"And besides," he continued, pulling the cape off of Fai. He walked over to a hook, to hang up the cape,

"Whoever this guy is that you're so terrified of…He can't scare me."

"You can _say_ that. But I wonder…If you would hold true to that if you ever had to encounter the _original_." Fai's voice sounded far away. His mask had fallen. Kurogane had noticed that this only ever seemed to happen when he and Fai talked privately. Fai never just dropped his mask on his own whim. Kurogane had to provoke him first.

"Are you two coming?" Sakura questioned, poking her head back into the front room. Fai's smile had returned, and his eyes were closed. He turned his head in her direction,

"We'll be there shortly! I have to go change into something warm and dry first."

She smiled,

"Alright!"

Fai wandered over to the desk in the room. The family of this home had left them spare clothing in case they needed it. He picked up the outfit that was destined to be his, and wandered towards the room they'd slept in.

"Wizard," a voice called out lightly, just as Fai was entering the threshold of the room.

"Yes? What is it Kuro-puu?" He still had his big, fake smile plastered onto his face. The expression drove Kurogane insane. He could see right through it, so why did Fai _insist_ on using it in front of him?

"I _will_ be asking again later," Kurogane told him. There was no hint of this being an optional conversation. Fai opened his eyes, and his smile vanished.

_**##**_

"That was delicious!" Fai exclaimed, picking up his bowls and plate. He brought them to the sink, where Sakura had taken her dishes, as well as Mokona's small dishes. Syaoran had placed his things on the counter as well, and was now offering to wash dishes, seeing as Sakura had cooked. Sakura smiled at his offer, and thanked him. Kurogane placed his things on the counter and watched as Fai eagerly volunteered to dry the dishes.

Scoffing a little at the wizards antics for avoiding him, Kurogane headed back towards the bedroom they had all shared the prior night, to change into warmer clothes. His were still cold from walking in the snow.

He made sure to glare at the blonde before he left.

Syaoran picked up the first dish and began washing it slowly. Sakura was at the table, with Mokona.

"So, how did you end up getting covered in snow that way anyways Fai?" Sakura questioned suddenly, remembering that he'd appeared at the house in Kurogane's cape.

Fai hadn't thought up a back up story just yet. He guessed he should have come up with _something._ But, he'd been so preoccupied with trying to not think about what had happened…

"That idiot wandered too far out of the furballs sound barrier. Before I could even try to tell him that his hood was full of snow, he pulled it on. He ended up soaked, and I didn't think he'd appreciate _freezing_ to death," Kurogane's voice was back in the doorway to the kitchen.

Fai was grateful that he had at least thought of a backup story line. He took the rinsed cup from Syaoran's extended hand, and laughed a little,

"I must admit, snow down your back isn't exactly _pleasant_."

"Your fault for going too far out of the barrier," Kurogane answered dryly.

"I suppose I _should_ have come back sooner," Fai agreed, still smiling,

"But the snow looked so pretty…I didn't pay much attention to how much time was passing by."

"Mokona wants to play in the snow! Mokona wants to play!" Mokona suddenly announced, hopping up and down. Sakura watched him, smiling.

"Sakura, come and play!" Mokona told her, hoping she'd follow, as he hopped off the table.

Sakura giggled as she got up to follow the overly excited Mokona. Syaoran watched them heading towards the door,

"Mokona, make sure she has something warm on, alright? Maybe I should go out with you two…"

"Right!" Mokona announced, opening his mouth. A glowing sphere appeared and landed on the ground. As the light vanished, Syaoran and Sakura's winter clothing that they had gathered from another world lie there instead. Sakura began pulling on her winter clothing.

Syaoran turned to Fai, ready to ask him for permission to leave, but he didn't even get to a chance to speak. The wizard was already facing him, smiling,

"Go on ahead Syaoran, I can take care of the dishes."

"You sure Fai? I don't mind doing this first you know."

"I know, but you should go outside with Sakura and Mokona. We need someone to keep them safe in case something comes around, don't we?"

Syaoran smiled and nodded,

"Thanks Fai."

He took off to get ready. Fai watched the two hurry into their winter clothing, while Mokona jumped around excitedly by the door. Once they were ready, they all went outside, shutting the door behind them.

Fai turned back to the sink, drying the dish that was in his hands. He knew that he couldn't escape Kurogane's curiosity for long, and it wasn't likely that the male would hold off on it for long either. Fai could tell that he was still in the room, and that he was watching him. He was just about to reach into the sink to wash the dirty dishes when a tan hand took the dish from him easily.

_Oh._ He hadn't heard him walk over to the sink.

"I'll wash, you dry," Kurogane stated simply. His hands were already wet with dish water and he was working steadily. Fai placed the dry cup on the counter to his left as he waited for the next dish.

"You have a lot on your mind," Fai laughed.

"You saw him…Didn't you?" Kurogane paused,

"The one you're _running_ from."

Fai's eyes went wide with fear. His mouth fell open slightly. He unconsciously gripped the counter for support. He hadn't been expecting Kurogane to pay so much _attention_, but the male had seen his reaction. And now, he was sure, Kurogane would also see how the mere mention of the male drove him to the very brink of his sanity. The fear was rippling through him, and he was sure that if he could find his voice and his body…He would collapse, screaming. But he couldn't do that.

_Giving in was against his rules._

Kurogane looked his way. He_ almost_ looked _sorry…_

Fai tried to get himself back on his feet. He _knew_ better than to allow anyone to see him like this…Weak, vulnerable…_Petrified…_

But he'd seen _him…_

_**##**_

"Snowman, snowman, we're building a snowman!" Mokona sang happily, dancing around. Sakura giggled at Mokona's enthusiasm, as she packed together a small snowball. She placed it in front of him, and he gladly began to push it across the blanket of snow that covered the ground.

"Looks like he's enjoying himself," Syaoran's voice spoke from Sakura's left. She turned her head to face him, and smiled,

"Yeah, he does. I'm glad he's happy."

"Yeah," Syaoran agreed.

_**##**_

Kurogane tried to keep his face composed so that Fai wouldn't think too much of his expression. However, this was difficult, because Fai was in obvious pain, and that bothered Kurogane. He'd been doing his best so far to look out for the wizard, and now he felt slightly _useless_ because he couldn't come up with a way to _comfort_ the blonde. And what made it worse was the fact that Fai looked this way because Kurogane _himself_ had said something about what Fai feared the most.

He internally kicked himself for being so stupid.

Fai was trying to regain his composure. He tried to think about the good things that he had. Syaoran, Mokona, Sakura.

_Kurogane…_

But that just made things _worse_, because all he could think about was what would happen when he finally returned home, to Celes. He didn't want for his mind to wander to what would happen then. His fate, it was inevitable. One day, he would have to part from the people he called his friends. _The people he cared about the most…_

If he didn't do that…Well, he knew Ashura well enough. And it would kill Fai – quite literally - to see the blood of his friends splattered on the snow of Celes. On Ashura's weapon…Or worse, on his _hands._ The mental image frightened Fai. He was _supposed_ to be composing himself, but he couldn't. And maybe it was because he had seen _him._

_Or maybe it was because he was picturing Kurogane…_

"Ooi!" The tan males face was in front of his unexpectedly. His red eyes were anxious, and he looked really worried…

Fai ducked him head, his bangs shielding his eyes. What was he _doing?_ What was he _thinking?_ He _knew_ this wasn't allowed…He wasn't allowed to show anyone his weak side. Especially not to this degree.

Kurogane watched him, waiting. The male had looked so shaken, he'd acted on a whim and put himself into the males peripheral vision. He didn't really know how else to help him.

Fai was trying not to think about what had just happened between the two of them. It wasn't allowed. _And if they were ever found out…_

Fai's bangs could only hide so much. Kurogane released a small gasp in shock, as a silent accidental tear, rolled down Fai's cheek.

'_What am I doing?'_ Fai thought in silent terror,

'_He isn't supposed to see me like this. No one is…'_

Kurogane's reaction was impulsive, and soon Fai found himself wrapped in natural warmth. Were people always this warm, or was it just Kurogane? He didn't know for sure.

_But he hadn't realized that he had been this cold for so long…_

"It wasn't him," Kurogane reminded him under his breath.

"I know," Fai answered, his voice wavering.

"And if it had been…He wouldn't have reached you."

Fai gripped Kurogane's shirt. He didn't want to think about Kurogane fighting that man. Not now. _Not ever._ If his blood was ever shed because of him…

"Stop thinking about things that bother you so much," Kurogane's voice ordered him gently,

"You already know that you're safe. And if you don't, then you should know that already. You're involved, with all of us. Try to change that, and I'll kick your ass, as well as his."

Fai smiled a bit, his grip loosening,

"Thanks Kergs."

**(A.N: Once again, sorry if that ending was a little OC…But hey, I was trying to keep them as in character as I could while writing fluff. THAT IS NOT EASY. R&R?)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_**(A.N: I'll warn you now that **__**Fai and Kurogane DO get OOC in this chapter **__**- sorry, but you'll understand as you read the chapter. Also, I'm pretty sure Chapter 4 will be up soon, I have the idea fresh in my mind still. And, I'm sorry - for anyone who may have me on update alerts…If it says two chapters are up, I had to repost because the program was all FAIL. The **__**dashes**__** are time passing, or scene changes - because I'm on my laptop again! YAY! R&R?)**_

Fai and his group of friends had awoken rather early. After making themselves some breakfast, they began planning out their day; a search for the feather Mokona sensed in this world.

"We need to find the feather for the Princess, so that we can move onto the next world," Syaoran said, his voice was very business - like, which was entertaining to Fai. He was still so young, but he was trying to be as adult as he could be. Fai smiled at his eagerness.

"Alright, so lets get going," Kurogane spoke up next. He stood.

"Right," Syaoran agreed, standing as well.

"If you all don't mind, I'd rather stay here today," Fai announced, still sitting.

"Are you feeling alright Fai?" Syaoran questioned, looking over to the blonde. His face showed he was worried for his friend. Fai plastered that big, fake smile of his onto his face before he faced the younger male,

"I just have a bit of a headache, so I'd rather stay indoors, if that's alright."

"Of course," Syaoran agreed.

Kurogane was monitoring the blondes expression. He could see right through the lie, and he was pretty sure that he knew what was actually bothering the male. He'd seen the duplicate of the male he was running from, from his own world. _Celes_, Fai had called it. Kurogane knew well enough to play along with the blondes ridiculous lies. He didn't want the kids to worry too much about him, that's why he smiled so much.

_That's why he only allowed himself to go to pieces in the presence of Kurogane._

_**--**_

Syaoran, Sakura, Mokona, and Kurogane all left the house together. Fai watched them go until they disappeared from his view, heading down the hill. He shivered, he was too poorly dressed to be standing in the cold doorway like that. Shutting it firmly, he headed into the kitchen area. The dishes from breakfast were still piled on the counter, dirty and waiting. Well, the others would be gone for a while, and he had nothing to do anyways, so he might as well wash them…

He headed over to the sink, pulling back his sleeves. As he stood there, slowly washing dish after dish, he let his thoughts take over him.

It had startled him, the other day, when he had seen…He hated thinking about who it was that he had seen. What was his purpose in this world? Was that man anything like the person he'd left behind in Celes?

Fai hoped not.

_**--**_

"What's going on?" Kurogane wondered aloud as he watched a crowd gathering at the steps of a building. Bigger than most in the village. As he looked up, he took note of the cross that adorned the top of it. It was a church then.

"I don't know, but something is telling me we should go and check it out," Syaoran answered. As if on cue, Mokona's eyes were instantly wide. A confirmation of the presence of a feather.

"Well, looks like the furball was right, there is a feather here," Kurogane spoke again,

"Lets go!"

"Right!" Syaoran agreed, taking the Princess by the hand,

"Lets go Princess!"

"Alright," she agreed, as she allowed for him to pull her along.

As the group approached the gathering, the voice of what appeared to be a Priest, spoke. Slowly they were able to put his words into focus.

"I thank you all for coming here today! Now tell me, what is it that _ails_ you?"

"Father, my son is ill, and the Doctors say he may not survive much longer!" A desperate Mother cried out. Another Mother called out as well,

"My case is the same, only it is my daughter who is ill!"

"Father, please, I've heard word of great monstrosity on it's way! We need a barrier," A man announced, hugging his wife to him. She had a small baby cradled in her arms.

"Our families need protection!"

"What is all this?" Syaoran questioned someone near the back of the group. The man turned to face them,

"That is our Priest, Father Luucifehr. He is supposed to have the power to heal anyone! And he is also able to put up barriers, to protect our village…Every once in a while, he'll hold gatherings like these, where the villagers can come to him and ask for his assistance. He is a very powerful man, but a very kind one as well. He watches over us all!"

"Thank you for your help," Syaoran answered. The man nodded, and turned back to the Priest. The group of friends turned their attention to the Priest as well. Now they knew who had the feather…

The first Mother who had shouted out, brought her son over to the Priest. The man was wearing a rosary around his right wrist, and the feather hung from it. Reaching a hand out to the boy, he rested his palm against the young child's forehead. A bright light shone, and everyone watched, anxiously. As the light faded, they saw that the boys skin no longer looked as pale as it had when he first ascended the stairs. The man moved his hand away completely, and the boy blinked. He slowly began to smile, before turning to face his Mother,

"Mama! I feel good again!"

"It's a _miracle_…" The Mother announced, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. She hugged her son closely, and directed her gaze to the Priest,

"Thank you Father…_Thank you_…"

"You are welcome, my dear child," the Priest answered, then he turned his attention to the rest of the crowd,

"Please, allow anyone who is sick, or who has a sick family member, to come forth immediately!"

The man in the crowd who had called out to him once already, now tried to push his point again,

"Please Father! We _need_ a barrier to _protect_ this village!"

"I know, my dear son. But first, there are people to be cared for."

The group watched as, one by one, people lined up to be healed.

"Looks like Sakura's feather is being used to help the people in this village…" Syaoran spoke softly.

"It would feel wrong to me," Sakura answered,

"Taking it when they're in such a great need for protection, and healing…If my feather really holds the ability to help them, then it's kind of like I'm helping them…And that makes me feel good."

"Princess…"

"It's okay Syaoran…We can always come back for this one later, okay?"

He took one last look at the Priest. His attention directed itself back to Sakura, and he nodded,

"Yeah. You're right. We should head back to the house then, Fai's still all alone."

Kurogane could hear their conversation, but his attention was directed elsewhere. That man, at the base of the hill. He looked _familiar_…He looked like he was working his way towards the house they'd all been staying in these past two nights…Where had he seen him? He knew his face…

Just as the answer came to him, Kurogane became aware of a new presence, and of Syaoran's cry of,

"Kurogane! Watch out!"

Just as he turned his head, something struck his arm, and he ripped it away from himself, staggering back. Before him was…Well, it was quite frankly, it was a _monster. _Nothing that a few good hits wouldn't take care of though. However, more were on their way, and he could feel it. They were still a long ways off though. They wouldn't be for long.

"Furball! My sword!"

"Right!" Mokona called out, opening his mouth. A bright light shone, and Kurogane's sheathed sword flew out to his hand. Removing it from its sheath, he faced his opponent. He sensed Syaoran next to him, and Sakura and Mokona somewhere behind them both.

"Ready kid?"

"Yeah," Syaoran agreed, nodding. The two hurried towards the beast. It was large, but not too powerful, by the feeling of its aura. It almost looked like a giant tiger, however, it didn't move like one. It wasn't quick, so it was relying on brute strength. And on its tail. Its tail was longer than it should be, and it came to a pointed end.

Kurogane's arm was on fire,

"Watch out for its tail, kid. It's venomous!"

"Right!"

Together, they could take this thing down, no problem.

_**--**_

Fai was just finishing with rinsing the dishes, and drying them off. He'd dragged out the event to give himself some time to think, and also to give himself something to keep him busy for a long period of time. He wondered how the others were doing in their search. Had they found the feather? When were they coming back? He was slowly becoming bored. He wished Kurogane had stayed with him, then he could have someone to talk to…But he would be talking about things that Fai didn't want to think about…

_Like…_

Someone knocked at the door. Had he locked it? He didn't think so…Maybe it was a villager.

"Come on in!" Fai called,

"I'm afraid I can't come open the door for you myself right now."

He didn't hear an answer, just the door opening. He kept on his big, lying smile, and kept his eyes closed. He knew people would have trouble seeing through this expression, unless it was Kurogane. It bothered him a little that the male could see right through him…

The door closed, and someone removed their shoes. As they approached, Fai put the cup he'd been drying down. He then began drying his hands.

"What can I do for you?" He questioned, keeping his eyes shut.

"I came to talk to _you_, actually," a males voice answered.

Fai's eyes shot open, and his smile fell away. His gaze found the male who was addressing him, and panic surged throughout his entire body. _No_…No, he couldn't be here…

"I'm sorry, I seem to have surprised you," the male said kindly,

"But I saw your group of friends outside of the Priests gathering, and noticed that you weren't there…So I wondered if you were sick. Our Priest heals anyone who comes to him, so if you are ill, then I would suggest going to see him."

Fai didn't answer; how could he?

_This was the person he feared the most._

_**--**_

The crowd was thanking them for saving them from the monster who had shown up, threatening the village. Even the Priest approached them to give them his thanks. Kurogane barely paid any attention. He was too busy worrying about a certain blonde haired wizard that had been left behind. Syaoran noticed that he was distracted, but he didn't know what was wrong. Sakura, however, caught on rather quickly, upon seeing where Kurogane was looking.

She approached him, and gently touched a hand to his arm. He turned his attention to her, confused.

"Go on ahead," she encouraged,

"Syaoran and I will stay here to talk to the Priest."

Kurogane nodded, running towards the hill. Syaoran watched the scene unfold and it made sense to him. Kurogane was worried about Fai…_Why_ though, he wasn't sure.

_**--**_

"Hey, are you alright? You look really pale…" The male took a step towards the blonde. Fai unconsciously stepped backward.

"What's the matter?" The male questioned, confused. He didn't understand what he was doing wrong. He'd come to see if the male was ill, so that maybe the Priest could heal him. He didn't appear to be ill…Just scared.

Fai continued to back away, terrified. His blue eyes were wide, and he couldn't find his voice. He was trying to get a hold of himself. He knew this wasn't the same person…No matter how much he looked like him, he wasn't really him…So why was Fai having so much trouble getting over the fact that this man was standing a few feet away? What had made him less scary the last time he had seen him?

He remembered a flash of red, and tan skin.

_Kurogane._

That's what was different about this. This time, Kurogane wasn't here to interfere.

To _save_ him…

The man kept approaching, slowly. But for every step he took, Fai took one back. His knees were weak, and he felt like he was having trouble standing up…He should have gone with his friends this morning. He wouldn't be facing his fears if he had just gone along with the group…He let out a gasp as he tripped, falling backwards to the floor; _hard._

The male rushed over to him,

"Hey, are you alright?" He touched his shoulder.

Fai's eyes sealed themselves, and he let out a whimpering protest,

"…_No_…Please…"

"What is it? What's the matter? Are you hurt?"

"Leave me alone…Please…_Please_…"

"Come on, I'll help you up…"

"No…NO…_**NO!!**_"

The man kept on touching his shoulder, and his wrists. It was if he was trying to _restrain_ him…And that was horrifying. Fai fought. He struggled and screamed. No…This couldn't be happening to him. It just _couldn't. _It was too real to be a nightmare though, and he was all too aware of that fact. He just kept on screaming…

Finally, the man stood up. He stayed still for a moment, before he left. But Fai just shut his eyes tightly, and covered his ears with his hands. He wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to feeling like a child. He was always so calm, and composed…And now, he was back to his childhood…

He felt two hands on his wrists, pulling his hands away from his ears. Panic surged through him. The man was back. He was trying to control him. No! _**NO! **_He couldn't let this happen! He whimpered, begging to be let go…

"Ooi…_Ooi! _Ooi! Open your eyes!"

The blonde froze.

That wasn't the voice he'd been hearing moments ago…The hands fell away. He opened his eyes, dropping his hands slowly. Hesitating, he raised his head.

Short, black hair. Red eyes. Tan skin. A worried expression…

_And he was all wrapped up in black attire._

The blondes vision blurred,

"…Kergy…" Slowly, hot trails of liquid rolled down his cheeks. The tan male watched him, surprised. The blonde lowered his head. He needed _control. _He needed _composure. _He needed to relax. _Calm down. _Stop panicking. Stop crying. He needed all of this.

_He needed Kurogane._

He let out a howl of emotional anxiety.

Kurogane couldn't take it. Watching the blonde in pain was not something that he wanted to do. Carefully, he reached out to Fai. He didn't want to startle him, or worse. And he knew the male needed him. He was the only person Fai would dare break down in front of, and the chances of this happening were slim. It was nearly impossible to catch the male crying…Let alone finding him in the state that he was currently in…

He eased the male over to him. The blonde didn't fight him. He was too emotionally distraught to fight. He _needed_ Kurogane. He _needed_ to know that he would be okay. And the samurai always made him feel _exactly_ that. Whether or not he was aware of this, Fai wasn't entirely sure. He slowly wrapped one arm around the back of the males neck, and brought his other arm around the front, intertwining his fingers with his other hand.

Kurogane was surprised when Fai wrapped his arms around his neck, and on his own will, too. Kurogane gently lifted the male, bridal style. Once he was standing, he wrapped one arm around, under the boy, and kept his right arm away. His right arm was injured from the venom, but he didn't care about that right now. Right now, Fai was his sole priority. The male kept his head on his shoulder, and his tears wet Kurogane's shirt. But Kurogane didn't appear to mind. He just carried Fai around, walking slowly, all around the house.

Kurogane spoke words of comfort to Fai. Things like_: 'you're alright now.' _And, _'you're safe.' _The one that both comforted and disturbed Fai was: _'I've got you.' _He loved that Kurogane had him curled up in one arm. _Glad_ that the male was wandering around, holding him. He was _happy _that Kurogane had him. _But it bothered him. _The reason for this sense of disturbance, was Fai's memory of what would happen if that man had been the _real _Ashura. The one from Celes. He _knew_ what would happen if he could see Fai now…

_Kurogane would likely be dead by now._

The tan male headed for one of the couches. Once he reached it, he gently eased himself into a sitting position, Fai still cradled in his arm. With his right hand, he weakly brushed Fai's bangs out of his eyes, before moving his hand away, and allowing it to drop onto the couch with a gentle thud.

"…What happened to your arm?" Fai questioned quietly, realizing that the males arm was lying rather limply at his side.

"We got into a battle while we out looking for the feather. Thing attacked me while I wasn't looking."

"You're usually much more aware of things than that…" Fai noted, knowing the male well.

"I had my mind focused on other things," Kurogane admitted, sounding both a bit ashamed, and embarrassed. Fai looked up to the males face.

"Kuro-puu looks both guilty and shy at the same time," he teased half heartedly. Kurogane didn't look at him as he answered in a voice that was just loud enough for Fai to hear,

"It bothers me that I didn't get here _sooner. _I saw him coming…" Fai clutched at the males shirt,

"I saw him heading towards the hill, and I recognized him…Just as I remembered why he was familiar, I got hit," Kurogane paused for a moment,

"I was worrying about you, so I didn't even see it coming…The kid tried to warn me though…"

"…_Kergs_…"

"But I had a promise to keep. Even though I knew he wasn't the same person…I still promised that he wouldn't come near you. I ran back as fast as I could."

Fai buried his face in the males neck,

"Thank you," he whispered.

_**--**_

Syaoran and Sakura had been wandering around for a few hours now. They had spoken to the Priest already. Now, they were wandering, because Sakura wanted to walk around for a while. Well, she'd lied and said that, but really, she was just buying Kurogane time to fix Fai. And, for them to be alone. She knew they would both need some privacy. She knew and she respected that. Besides, she liked being around Syaoran and Mokona. Syaoran protected her, and Mokona kept the mood light.

"We should head back soon Princess, we've been out for a long time," Syaoran informed her gently. She looked over to him, and smiled,

"Yeah, you're right. We should head back."

_**--**_

Kurogane gasped in pain.

"Kergs? What's the matter?" The blonde went to move himself away, but Kurogane held him in place, afraid he wouldn't be stable enough to stand.

"It's not you," Kurogane murmured,

"And if you're going to get up, be careful, you were really shaken when I got to you, so your body might still be feeling that."

Fai turned slightly pink at how much Kurogane could care, even when he was in his own pain.

"It's just my arm. That thing we fought today, the tip of its tail got me. It was venomous."

"Let me see," Fai ordered from his position in Kurogane's lap. Kurogane obeyed, showing him the injury. It wasn't big in width, but it was deep. Fai shifted,

"I'm going to get a bowl, you need the poison out of there." He felt Kurogane's arm withdraw from his body, and he very carefully placed his feet on the floor. He allowed himself to stand, being cautious about doing so. When he was sure that his body was okay, he headed to the kitchen, and grabbed a small, but deep bowl. He then returned to Kurogane, and sat himself on the couch, beside him.

"You helped me, so I'm going to help you now. I'll just need you to do one thing for me," Fai told him, moving Kurogane's arm. The raven looked to him, confused.

"Hold this for me," Fai instructed, handing him the bowl. Kurogane held it in his left palm. Fai lowered his mouth to Kurogane's arm, and began sucking venom from the injury. Whenever he got some out, he would empty his mouth of it, into the bowl. He continued his process until Kurogane was no longer tense. Until the male sighed in relief and told him it was all gone. Fai took the bowl, and returned to the kitchen. He put the bowl down on the counter and grabbed a glass. He rinsed his mouth out until he could taste nothing but the flavourless taste of water. He then emptied the bowl of it's contents, and rinsed it with water before he began cleaning it. Once he finished that, he returned to Kurogane - making sure to grab a first aid kit along his way.

Fai found antibiotic cream, and poured some into his hand. He gently applied it to Kurogane's arm, and then grabbed some bandages. Unraveling them, he began wrapping the injury. Once he had it tied up, Fai put the bandages back into the first aid kit. He wiped the antibiotic off of his hand.

"I feel…Really drowsy…" He told his raven haired companion sleepily. Kurogane lifted Fai back into his lap, wrapping one arm under him.

"Sleep then," he answered in a whisper.

"But…The others will be here…Soon…" Fai protested. But he was so warm against Kurogane's chest…The raven picked up a blanket that was laying over the back of the couch. With his free hand, he unfolded it a bit, and then proceeded to drape it over the blonde in his lap.

"Sleep," he ordered gently.

Fai couldn't help but obey. He was worn out from crying earlier. Now all he wanted to do was rest.

_**(A.N: Thanks Ally for helping me name the Priest! Did anyone catch what his name was? XD Also, sorry for the OOC, but it was needed…And back off, I cut my fingers today by accident and it hurt, so leave me alone! R&R? PLEASE?)**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**(A.N: Okay, hey everyone! I'll warn you all now that **__**Kurogane and Fai are a bit OOC in this chapter, again, but that changes later in the chapter**__**. Also, I'll advise you **__**to not read if you haven't see past episode 15 from Tsubasa Chronicle's first season! **__**Other than that, **__**dashes are time passing, or scene changes**__**…And KuroFai fans, I think you'll both love me and hate me for this chapter. You have been warned).**_

Kurogane heard the door opening. He listened as the kids stepped into the house, and shut the door behind themselves. He heard them, but his eyes were focused on the blonde who was cradled in one of his arms. He really hoped Fai didn't mind the kids finding out about the blondes feelings towards the raven. There was no real way for him to stop them from seeing them together at this point.

Mokona hopped out of Sakura's arms, and wandered past the edge of the wall. He was about to get excited, and bouncy, and go to see Fai…But he paused. As he saw Kurogane and Fai, together, he ran back to hide behind the wall. He peeked around the corner, curious. Kurogane was on the couch, and Fai was wrapped in a blanket in the males lap.

"Mokona…?" Sakura questioned quietly. The small creature turned to face her, signaling for her to be quiet, and then motioning her to where he was standing. She did as she was instructed. As she peered around the corner, she saw what Mokona had been looking at. Her thoughts were confirmed. Fai and Kurogane really were an item, whether or not Fai wished to admit it. Syaoran peered around the corner too, smiling a bit to himself at the scene.

Kurogane turned his head in their direction, and they all retreated to hide behind the wall. The raven sighed, shaking his head.

"Come out," he instructed them, speaking just loudly enough for them to hear his voice. Sakura and Syaoran both walked out from behind their hiding place. Mokona hopped onto Syaoran's shoulder. Sakura slowly wandered over to Kurogane.

"How is he?" She questioned quietly, not wanting to wake the blonde.

"He tired himself out, but he's okay."

Sakura smiled,

"He's lucky then. Because he has you."

Kurogane didn't answer. He just looked down at the blonde, his cheeks turning slightly pink beneath his tan skin.

He couldn't shake the tormented sound of Fai's screaming. He had run up the hill as fast as his legs would carry him. And when he had opened the door, Ashura was on the floor, sitting by Fai, trying to grab the males wrists - the raven guessed he was trying to restrain him from hitting him any further, or from hurting himself. As he had approached them, Fai had been trying to fight the male off, while screaming. When Kurogane had reached the blonde, he told Ashura to release him, which the male did. As soon as his hands were off of Fai, the raven had hauled him up to his feet. He'd gripped him by his shirt collar, and uttered his warning: _Stay away from him. _He had then shoved the male in the direction of the door, and waited for him to leave.

Once Ashura had shut the door behind himself, Kurogane had lowered himself to the ground, and tried to pry Fai's hands off of his ears so that he could speak to him. But the blonde had panicked, assuming that he was Ashura. The raven had been persistent though, and had spoken so that maybe the male would hear him. He'd been fortunate, and Fai had lowered his hands. The blonde had stunned him by crying. Fai was always so calm, composed, and good at lying…So when he couldn't even find his mask…

Kurogane's heart had ripped itself to shreds at the sight and sound of the males sobs. The blonde had grown on him, and he couldn't deny that. Sure, he still acted distantly and didn't show much emotion. But that didn't mean that he didn't care. _He did. _He cared about Syaoran; the kid had grown on him, due to his respect and independence…As well as his eagerness to learn. He cared about Sakura; she seemed to be very well aware of Fai's feelings, though she didn't let it show until now. And yes, he even cared about Mokona; the puffball was annoying, but he worried about everyone, so he had to respect that about him.

But most of all, Kurogane cared about Fai. The wizard had started irritating him almost as soon as they had met, but he'd grown accustomed to Fai's stupid nicknames. He still glared when being addressed as Kuro-puu, when in front of the kids, but if it was in private, it bothered him a little less. Besides, the blonde seemed to love the reactions he got from calling the raven ridiculous little nicknames.

Kurogane went to face Sakura again, but she and Syaoran were heading into the kitchen, likely to stay out of the way of the two who were cuddled up on the couch. He smiled a little bit, and fastened his hold on the blonde, closing his eyes.

_**--**_

When he next opened his eyes, he felt groggy from not having enough sleep. But someone had been shaking one of his arms, so he had woken up. When he looked around confused, he saw Syaoran with his hand on his arm. Well, that had solved who was shaking him. But he was still confused.

"What is it kid?"

"Sorry to have to wake you up Kurogane…But, the Princess says that she thinks you and Fai should take the bedroom, and we'll sleep out here."

"I'll sleep on the couch, Fai is a lot taller than I am, and the bed I was sleeping on these past two nights is pretty big. I feel kind of bad taking up all of that space."

"I'll sleep out here too. I'm going to sleep on the floor, against the couch. Mokona will stay out here with us."

"You two sure about all that?" Kurogane questioned.

They both nodded, reassuring him that they wanted to do this. Kurogane smiled, a little bit. He made sure he still had his proper hold on Fai, and then slowly stood up. Once he was on his feet, he headed off towards the room they'd all originally been sleeping in. Fai stirred in his sleep. Kurogane looked down to the blonde, and whispered to him,

"Just relax…I'll set you down soon enough, we're switching rooms for now."

The blonde nestled himself comfortably against Kurogane's chest.

_**--**_

It was driving him _crazy. _No matter which way he turned, he was still not comfortable. He felt so cold; like _ice. _His teeth were rattling away, and he was shivering like mad. The blankets were fairly warm, but for some reason, they just weren't cutting it for him. The back of a warm hand pressed to his forehead and he shivered even more, because of the touch.

"Should I get you another blanket?"

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Fai admitted, sitting up slowly. He just wanted to sleep…But he couldn't, not while he felt this cold…

"Usually, this would be more than enough for me," he continued, gesturing to the blankets.

"They're pretty heavy, I'm surprised you're cold at all," the raven told him, his voice showing that he really was both surprised and confused.

"What changed from when I was last sleeping?" Fai wondered aloud, wrapping his arms around himself. He was thinking about when he'd last gone to sleep…In the living room. He'd had an even thinner blanket wrapped around him then, but he'd been so warm that sleep hadn't been hard to find. So why couldn't he sleep now?

The raven watched as the blonde seemed to go off into his own little world to think. It hadn't taken _him_ long to see what had changed. When Fai had last gone to sleep, he'd been the one holding him.

_Tomoyo had always told him that he had an unusually high body temperature…_

Making sure that the blonde was still far away in his thoughts, the samurai very carefully stood up. He sat on the edge of the bed, but Fai didn't appear to notice.

"I think I know what changed," Kurogane told him, keeping his voice rather quiet.

Fai looked to him, confused. Kurogane stretched his arms out to Fai, lifting the male up and into his lap. He then wrapped one arm under and around him. Fai's eyes went wide and his cheeks went slightly pink. The ravens cheeks had turned a shade of pink beneath his tan skin as well. Fai felt his body relax. His teeth stopped rattling, his muscles calmed down because he wasn't shivering anymore…

"So you're the reason I felt so cold then," Fai accused him gently. The raven stood, supporting the blonde with one arm easily. Sometimes Kurogane's strength surprised Fai. It didn't even feel like he was putting effort into holding him up. He peeled back the blondes blankets, and sat himself down to one side of the bed - the side closest to the wall.

"I'll stay up here, by you. That way, you're not cold, and I don't have to listen to you freezing, or you complaining tomorrow about how you couldn't sleep."

"Kuro-puu can be so mean," Fai teased.

Kurogane set him down beside him. The air swarmed over to Fai almost instantly, and he wrapped his arms around himself. His muscles were already sore from shivering for so long…Why had Kurogane let him go?

A warm arm wrapped around the blonde, and he was pulled to lie down. He was pressed against the ravens warm body and his shivers stopped. However, even though he was warm, he wasn't in a comfortable enough position. He sat up - wishing he hadn't of done so, because he was cold again as soon as he did it - and faced the raven. Kurogane sat up fast too,

"What's the matter?" The blonde didn't answer him. Instead he placed one cool hand to Kurogane's chest, and pushed slightly, to signal that he wanted the male to lie back down, on his back this time. The raven was confused, but he lied down. Fai lied back down, bringing the blanket with him. This time, he wrapped one slender arm around the male. He placed his head on the males chest / stomach area, and curled his other hand near his face. Kurogane turned a deep shade of pink.

"There, _much_ better," Fai mumbled tiredly,

"Are you uncomfortable at all?"

Kurogane swallowed hard,

"No, not at all."

"'Kay," the blonde whispered, closing his eyes. The raven wrapped one of his arms around the blonde, draping warmth over his back, underneath the covers. Fai relished in the warmth that surrounded him. Sometimes…Just sometimes…

_Kurogane made it so easy to forget how close he was getting._

_**--**_

When the light poured in on the raven, he finally gave in. He opened his red eyes and looked down. He wasn't in the _least_ bit surprised.

_Fai wasn't there._

He sat up slowly. He'd had a feeling that he would wake up alone. And - though he wouldn't dare tell another soul it - he'd kind of wished he'd woken up with the blonde still wrapped up against him. He slid his legs over the edge of the bed, allowing his feet to touch the floor. He sat that way in silence for what felt like an eternity. He hated how he was feeling. He knew Fai well enough to know that the male was going to direct himself to acting exactly how he used to be.

_Unreachable._

_**--**_

The raven wandered into the kitchen, and sure enough, everyone was already there.

"Ah, looks like the smell of breakfast woke up Kuro-puu," Fai teased. He had his big, fake smile plastered onto his face once again. Sakura giggled as she came to sit down at the table. Kurogane glared at the blonde as he passed him.

"Oh Kuro-puu! Aren't you going to eat breakfast with us?"

"Not hungry," he answered, not turning his head to face the group. He didn't feel like sitting down to eat. He didn't feel in the least bit hungry. His stomach was too busy hurting him. So instead, he headed for the door, and began pulling on his shoes. He was already changed back into yesterdays clothes.

"Hey Kurogane, where are you going?" Syaoran called out as the male grabbed his cape off one of the hooks.

"Out. I'm going to wander around for a bit, that Priest the other day, he seemed kind of suspicious."

"Would you like some company?" Syaoran questioned, standing.

"If you want to come along, then go right ahead."

"What about me, Kergy-pie?" Fai's voice provoked him from the kitchen.

"Not you," Kurogane answered coldly,

"I have to put up with you enough as it is."

"Ohh, Kuro-puu is so mean," Fai replied, feigning sadness.

"Whatever wizard," Kurogane answered, opening the door. Syaoran rushed to the door, pulling on his shoes. He grabbed his coat from one of the hooks.

"We'll be back later!" Syaoran called, as he followed Kurogane out the door.

"Be safe!" Sakura called after them.

"We will!" The brunette boy called back to her, shutting the door behind himself.

When there was nothing but the sound of Mokona happily chomping away on his breakfast, Sakura turned her green eyes on Fai. She knew that he was hiding something.

"Fai?" She questioned. He turned his mask in her direction,

"Yes? What is it?" He asked cheerfully.

"Kurogane seems to be more angry than usual…Did something happen?"

Fai chuckled a little,

"It was probably because I used that Kergy-Pie nickname. He hates that one, a lot," Fai lied.

Just as Fai was good at making himself look happy all of the time, Sakura had the same uncanny ability to make herself look as though she believed everything that she was being told.

"Oh," she answered, with a gentle smile,

"Maybe he didn't sleep well," she suggested.

"Maybe," Fai agreed. Even with his smile plastered on his face, he couldn't help but remember the previous nights sleep. He and Kurogane had been together. He'd been curled around the male, and the raven had held onto him.

_As if he was the most delicate thing on the planet._

_**--**_

"Hey Kurogane?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you and Fai fighting?"

"…"

"I mean…I've seen you mad at him for calling you nicknames before…But today, it feels really different. Did something happen?"

The raven didn't want to answer. He knew Fai was just going to continue to play it off as though he had never allowed them to be as close as they had been the night before. He hated that. The blonde was such a mess, and the raven could see it so clearly. There were secrets the male hadn't trusted them with. There were things the kids and Mokona had no idea about, that Kurogane had seen for himself.

The blonde actually did know how to fall to pieces. He was aware of his ability to cry. He just locked it away, and refused to do it. Kurogane did the same thing. He refused to cry even when he was in a great deal of pain. He knew how to handle it. Fai didn't.

"Kurogane?"

"…Huh?" He was just coming back from his thoughts. He faced the brunette, looking down at him.

"We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to. But I'm here if you need me, okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks kid."

They turned their attention to the church as it was appearing in front of them. Confusion swept over their faces as they saw the Priest standing out on the steps once more. People had gathered once again. But this time, they didn't look like they were going to ask for help. This time, they looked angry.

Kurogane and Syaoran exchanged a glance and a nod, before running in the direction of the church. Something was just not right.

_**--**_

Sakura gathered her dishes and brought them to the counter. She also took Mokona's, seeing as the little creature seemed to have finished his meal. Fai brought his over to the counter as well.

"Mokona is going to take a nap. Sleepy, sleepy!" The little ball of fur bounced off towards the living room, and plopped onto the couch. Within minutes, they heard his little snores. Fai smiled, and faced Sakura,

"I'll wash, you dry?" He questioned. She smiled and nodded in agreement. The blonde went over to the sink and picked up a dish. He began scrubbing away.

"Fai?"

"Yes?" He kept his eyes focused on what he was doing, but it was clear that he was listening.

"You know that if you need someone to talk to…That I'm always here, right?"

Fai paused for a moment. He knew Sakura would always lend an ear to him if he ever truly needed her to do so. Usually, he turned to Kurogane, because - for some reason - he could open up to the male more than he opened up to anyone else out of his group of friends.

He smiled,

"Of course. I know you are, Sakura…And, thank you. But, I'm okay, really."

Sakura nodded,

"Okay."

_**--**_

"Father! _Why_ has this _happened?!_"

"Father! Please!!"

"Well, this doesn't look good," Kurogane stated, as he and Syaoran stopped, not too far behind the crowd. There was a lot of crying going on, as well as anger. This looked more like a mob than it did a gathering. The mood had changed since they'd last stood here.

"Father! Why did it not work?!"

"We need protection! We're not safe here!"

"What happened to these people?" Syaoran wondered aloud.

The older man that they had met with just the other day was conveniently standing at the back of the mob. He turned to face them,

"Ah, the young travelers from the other day! Our Priest…His magic…It did not work! People have lost so much…"

Kurogane and Syaoran both gasped in surprise. As they scanned the mob, they saw Mother's that they had seen the day prior…Holding their children.

_They weren't breathing._

There were injured people everywhere…People who had otherwise been healed…Kurogane unconsciously squeezed his bandaged arm. He had not gone to the Priest.

_Fai had been the one to help him._

He'd have to thank him later.

The raven looked to the brunette,

"Lets get closer. We need to see this Priest in person again."

"Right," Syaoran agreed.

The two fought through the mob, to the front. When they reached the stairs, they found who they were looking for. The Priest. He was standing in a large, hooded cloak, with a silver cross hanging from around his neck.

"What can I do for you?" He questioned. His voice had wavered. Kurogane, becoming more suspicious, drew his sword.

"Who are you, _really?_"

Syaoran looked to Kurogane, and then back to the Priest, who chuckled,

"Why I'm the Priest. Father Luucifehr."

Syaoran stared at him. That laugh…It was one he had heard before. He _knew_ that voice was fake…This person…He was trying _hide _his true _identity. _He was _altering_ his voice. But he couldn't change that laugh. Syaoran closed his eyes. In his minds eye, he pictured someone with short, black hair. Blue eyes…Glasses…

His eyes opened wide,

"…_Kyle…"_

The Priest froze.

"Are you kidding me?!" Kurogane announced,

"That Doctor from Jade Country?! He lured away those children through hypnotism…"

Syaoran nodded,

"He also tried to steal Sakura's feather after she won that race in Piffle World."

"What the hell is this bastard doing here?"

Kyle raised his head, and took down his hood,

"It looks like, I've been found out," he smiled. Kurogane and Syaoran both grunted in displeasure. They were _tired_ of running into this guy in random worlds…

"Did you two know, that in some places, there is a name for the devil. Lucifer. I decided I would make this name, but I changed it a little, so that it would be Luucifehr. The spelling is much different, and it sounds a little different too."

"The devil huh?" Kurogane grunted,

"How fitting."

_**(A.N: And I think I shall end this chapter here! Please don't hurt me? Man, Invincible by Crossfade and Never too late by Three days grace are really helping me with this fanfic…Good songs. The first one makes me think of Fai, and how he tries to be invincible, but then Kurogane comes around. The second one makes me think of Kurogane and how he so badly wishes to fix Fai).**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**(A.N: Alright, so I started this chapter off with a short re-cap from the ending of the previous chapter! There's a little bit of OOC-ness in this chapter - forgive me. Dashes mark scene changes or time passing - you guys know the drill! And hopefully you enjoy?)**

"…_Kyle…"_

_The Priest froze._

"_Are you kidding me?!" Kurogane announced,_

"_That Doctor from Jade Country?! He lured away those children through hypnotism…"_

_Syaoran nodded,_

"_He also tried to steal Sakura's feather after she won that race in Piffle World."_

"_What the hell is this bastard doing here?"_

_Kyle raised his head, and took down his hood,_

"_It looks like, I've been found out," he smiled. Kurogane and Syaoran both grunted in displeasure. They were tired of running into this guy in random worlds…_

"_Did you two know, that in some places, there is a name for the devil. Lucifer. I decided I would take this name, but I changed it a little, so that it would be Luucifehr. The spelling is much different, and it sounds a little different too."_

"_The devil huh?" Kurogane grunted,_

"_How fitting."_

--

Kyle's smile was _really_ getting on Kurogane's nerves. He wasn't entirely sure he could handle much more of watching him. Lifting his sword a bit, Kurogane ran towards the man, taking a vicious swing at him. Kyle dodged his attack and took a leap backwards, putting distance between himself and Kurogane. The samurai wouldn't have that. He rushed at him once more, trying to swing at him. Kyle dodged him again. Syaoran rushed into action, trying to give Kyle a good kick, but the male just kept on moving out of the way…

Kyle broke through the crowd, and started running. However, the people he was trying to escape were hot on his trail, pursuing him. Syaoran landed a good kick to Kyle, who stumbled. He managed to back up quickly though, so that he could face his opponents. Kurogane kept on swinging, and Kyle kept dodging, leaping out of the way, heading backwards.

No one realized where they were until they heard familiar voices.

"Stay here Sakura, you too Mokona!"

"Stay inside with the girl and the furball!" Kurogane hollered in the blondes general direction. He was still trying to look out for the blonde, to the best of his ability, considering his current situation.

Kurogane couldn't stand this much longer. He leapt at Kyle, ready to swing.

"I've had enough," Kyle muttered, raising his hand. Creating a natural barrier, the feather glowed.

"Look out!" Syaoran's voice called out. But Kurogane didn't have time to react. The light hit him directly, sending him flying. He didn't have time to think, he didn't have time to see…He barely had enough time to let out a sound in his surprise. The wind whipped past him, and he clenched his teeth and screwed his eyes shut, bracing himself for impact.

He hit something - _hard. _He didn't have time to worry about what it was exactly.

_Unconsciousness took over._

"Kurogane!" Syaoran yelled, turning towards him. Fai ran out of the cabin, over to his raven haired companion.

"Kergs!" The blonde called, he lowered himself to his knees before the male. He didn't want to move him, in case he was hurt…But at the same time, he could be bleeding profusely, and Fai wouldn't know it. He decided he had to move him. Carefully, he grasped his shoulders and pulled the raven forward a little, and looked down at the back of his shirt.

"KERGS!" Fai announced, feeling scared. _Blood. _There was _so much blood_…He couldn't keep himself composed…

Carefully, the blonde slid his hands around to the back of the males head. There was a gash there…And there were gashes and cuts on the males back. The blonde slipped his hands up, underneath the fabric. He could feel the open wounds becoming scars at his touch. He had promised to not use magic, but he had to. If it would mean saving Kurogane, then he would use it. When his back was finished and the blonde had removed his hands, he stood.

He could smell the metallic scent of the ravens blood on his hands. He turned to face Kyle. Syaoran was still fighting him…

Syaoran landed on his feet after an attempted kick to Kyle. Fai didn't hesitate. Moving quickly, he grabbed a wooden pole - the cabin they had been staying in kept many in stock, in case firewood was low, on days that it would be dangerous to venture out to get more. Taking one, he ran at Kyle. Using the pole as his new weapon, Fai began attacking the male, who continuously dodged him.

Fai went for a hit, and Kyle raised his hand. The blonde tried to evade the attack, but reacted too slowly. Once more, the feathers light shone brightly…And the blonde was struck in the side. The angle in which he was hit, knocked the pole out of his hand. As he flew through the air, he put out an arm to catch himself on. However, he heard something he hadn't planned on hearing. Instead of shooting himself up into the air to land on his feet, his wrist made a sound…And he toppled into the snow.

"Fai!" Syaoran called, rushing towards him. The blonde grit his teeth as he used his good hand to raise his body once more. He forced his smile,

"I'm alright everyone!" He called out, having heard Sakura and Mokona panicking from the sidelines. Syaoran didn't look convinced, but he still turned to face Kyle. However, Kyle was smart enough to know that the blondes little accident was more than enough of a distraction. He was already disappearing.

"I'd love to stay and play, but I'm afraid I have many more worlds to get to…" He told them, as he vanished.

"He got away," Syaoran growled under his breath. He turned back to Fai, who was already standing back up. The blonde was heading over to Kurogane. Sakura had come outside, with Mokona on her shoulder, and they were beside Fai. He seemed like he was alright…Except that his one wrist looked like it was crooked…

Syaoran rushed over to them,

"Fai, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Syaoran," Fai lied, his mask turning in the young brunettes direction. Syaoran didn't buy it, but he didn't want to press the blonde into telling the truth.

"We should get moving to the next world," Syaoran spoke up,

"We need to get out of here. Kyle caused problems, and I don't want for us to be involved."

"Right then," Fai agreed. He lowered himself to sit by Kurogane. Carefully, he took the males sword, and sheath. He returned the weapon to its proper place before turning to Mokona,

"Mokona, could you put this away for me please?" He held up Kurogane's weapon. Mokona nodded and Fai threw the sword. He watched it become a small ball of light, which Mokona then drew in and swallowed down. The blonde male reverted his attention to his taller, tan companion, who was still unconscious. He took him by the arm, and wrapped the males arm around the back of his neck.

"Syaoran, could I pester you to give me a hand? I'm afraid Kuro-puu is still unconscious."

"Sure thing," Syaoran agreed, rushing to Kurogane's other side. Assisting Fai in holding the male up, the brunette looked to Mokona, who leapt into the air.

--

"You're lucky this was the world you landed in!" Sorata announced. They were in another world, and had met yet another duplicate couple of Sorata and Arashi. Apparently, these ones owed Yuuko a favour as well. Sorata and Arashi owned a big home. They rented out a lot of rooms to people who needed them, and they offered a couple of the said rooms out to the group members.

Now, Syaoran, Sakura, and Mokona were all staying in one room. Kurogane and Fai would be staying in another. They had changed into clothes that matched more accordingly to the world that they were currently in…Except for Kurogane, who was still passed out. However, Fai managed to change the males shirt so that he didn't get blood all over the place.

--

She yawned as she headed out of the washroom. Noting that Fai and Kurogane's bedroom door was open a crack, she became a bit curious…She approached the door and called out, whispering,

"Fai? Kurogane? Are either of you awake?"

"I am," came a deep voiced reply. Sakura opened the door a bit, poking her head inside.

"Good to see you're up," she told the male quietly. She stepped into the room, and smiled at what she was seeing. The tanned male almost went to move, but she warned him,

"If I were you, I'd be careful about moving."

The raven blinked, clearly confused. Sakura pointed to one of his arms and he looked down. The first thing he noticed was that there was a mob of blonde hair on his arm. As he stared at the blonde locks, realization dawned on him, and he looked away, turning pink.

_Fai was resting on his arm, and he was fast asleep._

Sakura smiled at what she was seeing,

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright. My head is a little sore…My back feels like it's bruised…"

"You're lucky."

He looked to her with questioning eyes.

"Well…When you were fighting Kyle…He used my feather as a weapon against you…You hit the rocks by the house really hard…"

"…"

"You were _bleeding, _Kurogane. You had a gash in the back of your head…And your back was _covered_ in blood…You had gashes and cuts…But I'm sure that you don't feel those now, just bruises, and likely scars," Sakura told him, sounding quiet and sad, her smile no longer present.

"…But how…?"

Sakura was quiet for a moment, before a small smile graced her lips,

"I'll leave that for Fai to answer," she answered, stepping out of the room once again. She went to close the door, but paused, and poked her head back into the room,

"And Kurogane?"

"Yeah?"

"Mind his right wrist. He hurt it earlier today when he went after Kyle."

"He went after--Wait a second!" Kurogane whispered as loudly as he dared,

"He went after Kyle?!"

Sakura nodded,

"Right after he helped you, he went after him."

Kurogane looked back down at the blonde on his arm. He was aware, in his sub-consciousness, that Sakura had gone back to her room. But his gaze stayed on the blonde. He looked down to his right wrist, and found that the blonde had it wrapped up, and it looked like it was being supported by small bits of wood…

Fai had hurt himself in his attempts to seek revenge on Kyle…_For hurting Kurogane._

The blonde stirred. He had one arm wrapped around Kurogane's right arm, and as he woke up, he loosened his hold.

"…Mmm…" He moaned tiredly. The raven looked away, towards the window. He could feel the blonde setting his tired blue eyes on him,

"…Kuro-puu, you're awake…"

The raven looked back to the blonde,

"Yeah, I'm awake now."

"How're you feeling?"

"I'm alright. Feels like bruising…But of course, you would know _all about that_, wouldn't you?"

Fai smiled a sad little smile,

"I'm guessing you've spoken with Sakura."

"…What the hell happened Fai?"

"…"

"Well, either you tell me, or I'll get the furball, or one of the kids to…"

"There's no need to go to such extents," Fai told him gently,

"Slow down Kergs, I just woke up, remember?"

The raven _tried_ to calm down. But he was _furious_. He'd been knocked out, and Fai had gone after Kyle…Who had then injured the male somehow. And why the hell wasn't he dead? He'd hit something, and he had hit it hard…Sakura said he'd been bleeding…

"When you were knocked out," Fai spoke up, breaking Kurogane's revere,

"I tried to get to you as quickly as I could…I know I promised not to use magic, but if I hadn't have done so…You'd be dead."

"You used your magic to save me?" Kurogane was a bit surprised. The blonde was _very _strict about his magic. It was off limits, at all times.

_He was lucky to be an exception._

"…He and I fought. When he used the feather on me, it made me drop my weapon. And when I tried to catch myself on my hand…" The blonde looked down to his wrist.

Kurogane followed his gaze. Fai's wrist looked swollen, as if it had been knocked out of place, and forced back into place again afterwards.

"How do your injuries feel?" Fai wondered aloud.

The raven turned his attention to the blonde, looking away from the males wrist,

"I'm fine…But you reminded me of something."

"Oh? What's that?"

"When we were in that world…Kyle pretended to be the Priest. He used the feather on the children, and the injured, to make it look as though he was _helping_ them…But he wasn't."

"…"

"When the kid and I went back to see him again…There was a group gathering again. Only this time, they were angry."

"Angry?"

"Those children that Kyle had _cured_…They were _dead._"

Fai's eyes were sad,

"I had a feeling something like that would happen. But where are you going with this Kergs?"

"I could have gone to Kyle unknowingly, when I was poisoned…But I didn't. I came back to the cabin."

"We both know why you came back. You saw Ashura, and had seen my reaction to him beforehand."

"If I hadn't of come back to the cabin…If _you_ hadn't of _helped_ me…_I _would be dead."

Fai couldn't find anything to say.

--

"Morning everyone!" Fai announced, his big, fake smile plastered onto his face once again.

"Morning Fai," Sakura greeted him, smiling.

"Morning," Syaoran echoed,

"How's your wrist?"

"It's doing much better today, thanks. Kuro-puu seems to be doing rather well himself. His injuries aren't serious."

"Anymore," Kurogane added, stepping up beside the blonde.

"What are the plans for today?" Fai questioned, ignoring the ravens addition to what he'd been saying.

Syaoran handed Fai a small wallet,

"We're splitting up. Sorata gave us two wallets. There's enough in each - he says - for us to get breakfast, as well as lunch, while we're out. Just in case we're out for a long time. You, Kurogane and Mokona will be one team. The Princess and I will be the other."

"Why do _we_ have to take the furball?" Kurogane grumbled.

"The Princess and I are from the same area. We should be able to understand each other no matter how far away we wander from Mokona. You and Fai, however, are from different worlds. If you go out of the language barrier, you won't understand one another anymore."

"…Fine," the raven agreed with a sigh. He sounded defeated.

--

"Mokona is hungry! Where should we eat?" The little, white creature was full of energy and had a growing appetite. Fai smiled at Mokona's cheerful nature,

"I'm not sure little one. What do you think, Kuro-puu?" The blonde set the question on the raven, who was being awfully quiet…

"I don't know. Let the furball pick."

"But Mokona doesn't know where to go! And these signs are hard for Mokona to read!"

"I can read them just fine," Kurogane retorted.

"We must be in another dimension of Japan then," Fai noted, looking around at the signs. He'd never seen any of these symbols where he'd come from.

"That one there," Kurogane pointed it out,

"Says it has a good variety of breakfast foods."

"Lets go there! Lets go there!" Mokona cheered, hopping up and down on Fai's shoulder.

"That's fine by me," the blonde agreed,

"Kergs?"

"Doesn't matter to me any."

The group worked their way over to the restaurant.

As they entered, Fai thought of something,

"Mokona and I won't be able to read the menus. You'll have to help us Kuro-puu."

The raven grumbled something unintelligible. As they were seated, and the menus plopped down onto their table, Kurogane opened one. He read the main titles and found the breakfast section near the front. Opening it so that _that _was his focus, he read through it in silence, taking in the information. Fai pointlessly opened a menu and laid it out flat on the table. Mokona looked down at the pictures.

Once Kurogane had taken everything in, he then read each of the items out loud. Fai and Mokona were able to easily choose things with his assistance. And, when the waitress had taken down their orders, she asked a question Fai had not expected.

"Would you prefer forks or chopsticks?"

"Chopsticks for me," Kurogane answered,

"These two will likely need forks…I don't think the furball there can handle chopsticks," he nodded in Mokona's direction. The waitress laughed a bit at this. She kept her eyes on Kurogane, and even touched his arm,

"I overheard you reading the menu aloud…Were you helping your friends?"

"Yeah, they can't read Japanese."

"Oh? That's too bad. What's your first language?" The waitress acknowledged Fai for a moment, so that he would understand that the question was for him. As she awaited his answer, she gathered their menus.

"French," he replied, keeping his tone light.

"How interesting," she said it, but she didn't mean it. Her eyes returned to Kurogane,

"I'll be back with the order."

And she walked away.

Fai closed his eyes, and his big, fake smile stretched out onto his face,

"Chopsticks? I've never tried _that_ before. I imagine they're hard to eat with."

"They require a little more control, and really good hand-and-eye coordination. And right now, your wrist is a little too out of shape for you to try to eat with them."

"I see." Fai kept his eyes closed, but his heart swelled. Kurogane had been thinking of him, even as the waitress had been _all over _him…

Mokona was walking around on the table. Unfortunately, that meant that the small creature was not paying attention to what he was doing. He tripped. Fai winced when Mokona fell.

_His tiny companion had landed on his injured wrist._

Mokona immediately moved away, and looked up to Fai's face. The blonde pulled on his mask, quickly. As Mokona sat there, he was filled with guilt,

"I'm sorry Fai! I didn't mean to!!"

"It's alright little one."

Kurogane hadn't wasted any time. He took his napkin and unfolded it. He took some ice cubes out of his water, and placed them in the napkin. When he was finished with tying it up, it looked like a bracelet, which he carefully tied around Fai's wrist. The blonde shivered a little from the chill of the ice, but his swelling slowly decreased.

"Thanks Kergs."

The ravens attention was on Mokona,

"Watch where you're stepping next time furball. He's hurt his wrist already, and if you keep up this clumsy-ness you seem to have developed, then it's only going to get worse."

The blonde noticed that Mokona's eyes had teared up. Fai reached across the table with his good hand, and touched Kurogane's arm,

"_Easy_ Kergs. Our little friend here just tripped. He's apologized already. I'm not angry with him."

The raven looked away from Mokona, and into the blondes opened eyes. He knew the males wrist was in pain, but the blonde kept on a smile. He was trying to defend the furball. Grumbling, the raven gave in, and Fai removed his hand from the males arm. Moving it to Mokona, he stroked the creatures head gently,

"No need to cry Mokona. Everything is alright."

"Fai…" The small creature jumped up onto the blondes shoulder, and hugged him. Fai reached up with his good hand to pet his small friend in a comforting fashion.

--

He couldn't sleep. Partly because his wrist had to be still when he was falling asleep, or else he wouldn't be able _to_ sleep. Partly because his mind was back on that restaurant they had eaten at that morning. That woman had had her eyes focused solely on Kurogane. The blondes stomach twisted. He hadn't liked that, at all. But he knew he couldn't fix it to fit his likings.

_Because he didn't want to be involved._

He'd allowed himself to get too close to the raven already, and now he had to make sure that it didn't happen again. He couldn't allow for them to get too close to one another. _He wasn't safe. _He had danger written all over him…

"Are you awake?" The deep voice questioned from across the room.

"Am I keeping you awake?" The blonde answered the ravens question with another question.

"No. I just don't remember you ever being this restless."

"My wrist hurts, so that makes it hard to sleep."

Yes, for now, he could blame an injury. But what would he do, when he didn't have that to fall back on? How would he push him away then? Being wounded made it so much _easier_ to reject the raven. He could blame his restlessness on his pain…

_But when there were no wounds to blame, then how would he go back to hiding?_

**(A.N: And done this chapter! Yay for Fai and his crazy emotions! R&R?)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

(A.N: WARNING: Rated "M" for MATURE CONTENT! There's a bit of sex in this chapter…And yes it's boy x boy, so if you don't like it, don't read it. Also OOC warning - just in case. And ANGST warning! Okay you guys…I was listing to Snuff by Slipknot…On repeat…For a few hours…For this chapter. I'm hoping that you guys don't hunt me down…And tried to murder me, viciously. Lets just say that this is one hell of a sad chapter…Please forgive me, it was torturous for me to write, believe me).

_**Fai had previously been worrying about how he would keep Kurogane away, when the injury no longer existed. But, fed up with his inability to do things on his own, Fai had fixed his wrist himself - using his magic. It had occurred shortly before they - once again - swapped worlds, having retrieved Sakura's feather.**_

_**He had worried about how he would keep Kurogane away.**_

_**He should have been careful about what he wished for.**_

**--**

They landed in a world that was unlike anything they had seen before. Buildings, that made them seem tiny and insignificant…Cars on every road. Bright lights, blaring music…

A big city.

Headlights flashed on them, and everyone turned to look. One of the cars came screeching to a halt a few feet in front of them.

"LEARN HOW TO LAND US OUT OF HARMS WAY!" Kurogane yelled to Mokona, who was half hidden by Fai's hood. The little creature giggled in response.

"What are you doing in the middle of the road?" A woman questioned, stepping out of the car in front of them. She took in the fact that they were foreigners, just by their appearances.

"Forgive us, Miss," Fai answered sweetly,

"I'm afraid our little friend here still has some work to do on his landing skills," he pet Mokona as he spoke.

"Mokona needs to practice! Kuro-puu is mad!"

"DAMN RIGHT I AM!" The samurai announced, heading for the sidewalk. Syaoran directed the Princess to follow Kurogane, while he himself stayed behind with Fai and Mokona.

"Well, you're holding up traffic by standing out here."

"We're sorry. We don't know where we're going exactly," Syaoran admitted, sounding a bit embarrassed.

"Do you have a place to stay?"

"We just got here, in a rather literal sense," Fai answered.

"Well…I'll put you up for the night then. All of you. Hop on in," she told them, smiling a bit. She couldn't just leave a bunch of foreigners out here in the middle of the city. At least not without a place to stay. She opened one of the side doors. Syaoran looked to Sakura and Kurogane, and they came back to the group. The woman seemed to be adjusting one of the middle seats, and she gestured that that particular seat would be for Kurogane. When the raven became confused, she explained that she had to fix it, due to his height. This of course lead to Mokona teasing the samurai, who became aggravated, and started spilling threats to the small creature.

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU STUPID FURBALL!"

"Kuro-puu is mad! Mad, mad, mad!"

Even when everyone was situated in the car, the argument continued, but there seemed to be different reasons for it.

"Maybe if Fai kisses Kuro-puu, then he won't be so angry!" Mokona announced, giggling. Fai felt his cheeks heat up, and he ducked his head. Kurogane's cheeks went slightly pink, and he looked away, still mad.

"Mokona made them blush! That means they're in _love-love_!"

"WILL YOU SHUT-UP?!" The raven announced, still angry. The little creature had taken refuge with Sakura, who was now quieting him.

The woman driving the car chuckled,

"Are you _always_ this rowdy?"

"They get this way sometimes," Sakura answered, giggling a little herself.

"Kergs has a nasty temper, and Mokona and I tend to set him off," Fai added, his mask back in place.

'_Well, at least he doesn't deny it,' _the samurai thought bitterly.

"Hm…I wonder how everyone will get along with my daughter…"

"You have a daughter?" Sakura questioned.

"Yes, she's still rather young. But she tries to be an adult," the woman sighed,

"I don't know why she doesn't just enjoy her childhood while it lasts…"

"What's her name?" Sakura was curious.

"Chun Hyang."

**--**

The first night he had stayed in his designated room for the night. It had not gone past him that he had - _once again _- been placed in the same room as Kurogane. Separated from their friends. This seemed to happen a lot.

The other night had gone by rather uneventfully. Kurogane had tried to talk to him, and the blonde had avoided conversation as much as he could. He kept his answers short, and simple. One worded as often as he could. He didn't want the raven to get involved with him. He wasn't _safe_. He _never would _be.

_Not if Ashura could help it._

Tonight, he'd decided to try and do something different. He decided to go walking for a few hours, alone, so that he could allow himself to think. And in that time, he hoped that his samurai would fall asleep. He made sure to dress in clothes provided to him, that were from this world, so that he wouldn't stand out as much. Now, he was on his way back to the house.

"Left turn up ahead…But if I cut through here, it's actually a little shorter…" He murmured, looking down the alley. It was dark, but he didn't see anything that could be considered problematic. He started through the alley. He got about halfway through when a hand touched his shoulder. Surprised, he turned around.

"Kergs?"

No answer.

"You're supposed to be back at the house…Sleeping…"

"Yuui…"

Fai froze. _No. _He _couldn't_ know his name.

_He just couldn't._

"What are you doing out here?"

The face, it was the same. The voice, it was the same.

"Yuui?"

His hands, as they cupped his cheeks, were the same. But they were colder than he remembered. Fai found himself unable to speak. No one had used his real name on him in a long time…

"What is it? What's the matter?" The male brushed away tears that were rolling down the blondes cheeks. Tears the male wasn't even aware he was shedding. The raven before him sighed, and pulled the male into an embrace.

"Yuui…I can't understand what's bothering you, if you don't tell me. I don't know why you're crying…Are you hurt, or something?"

"…No," the blonde whispered. He was in shock. This _couldn't_ be his Kurogane. It just couldn't be. Though he did have that sweet aspect to him, the side he only showed when they were alone together. Which would make sense now. They _were_ alone together.

_But his Kurogane didn't know his real name._

The blondes eyes grew as the ravens lips found his own. Everything he wanted, but couldn't have…

"Kergs?" He breathed the name in confusion. This was a bold move. One the raven probably wouldn't have taken, considering how he'd been treating the male as of late. Fai had been distant up until this point. His samurai _wouldn't _be doing this. And he shouldn't know his name…

He was lead over to the wall of the alley, and pressed against it. Kurogane's mouth was strong against his. His kisses were passionate, and powerful. In a way, it kind of _scared _Fai. He wasn't used to this level of intimacy…

The male ground their hips together, and the blonde gasped in surprise. He _definitely_ wasn't used to that. He tried to push the male away, but the raven wasn't having any of that. He used the friction once again. Fai couldn't deny that some parts of him were enjoying the males body against his own…But he knew that it was wrong.

_This wasn't his Kurogane._

His shirt left his body against his will, and sooner than he'd thought possible, his jeans were undone.

"K-Kergs…"

He wanted him to stop. This wasn't his samurai. It was all wrong…

"Please…Kergs…"

But his words only encouraged the male to continue.

Fingers traced a body that wasn't meant to be touched. Lips stole kisses that weren't meant to occur. And skin met with skin in areas that it shouldn't. The blonde had been turned so that his back was facing the raven. And the male cried out with each thrust that was pressed into his body. Some cries were pleasure, while others were pain. The raven had one hand on the blondes member, working him along with their rhythm.

Fai had tears rolling down his cheeks as he was violated.

When everything finally came to and end, release having been found, the raven tried to cuddle the blonde from behind. He kissed at the males neck. Fai shoved away, returning his pants to their proper position on his body. Behind him, he heard the raven doing the same. Then he was approached once more, as the male tried to hold him.

"Yuui…You're crying again, what's the matter? Did I hurt you…?"

"Let go."

"Yuui?"

"LET ME GO!" He yelled, thrashing wildly. He shoved the male away from him. He then pressed his backside against the wall, keeping himself away from the raven. Fai put his head in his hands, as the tears rained down.

"Yuui…"

"Just leave me alone…_Go away_…"

"I…I'll come by your place tomorrow then…I'm sorry if I hurt you…" The raven didn't say anything more. He stepped forwards, and gently kissed the blondes forehead, before he walked out of the alley. Fai waited for the footsteps to disappear, before he allowed himself to let out a howl of agony.

His ass hurt, and he had substances on his body - as well as _in_ it - that he wished weren't there. Tears were still rolling relentlessly down his cheeks, causing his eyes to burn. _He was violated, and broken. _He was hurting in so many ways. Physically, he was a wreck…Emotionally, he was ten times worse.

Kurogane was everything he wanted. Everything he had ever wanted, anything he ever _could_ have wanted. But Fai wasn't _allowed_ to want him, because of Ashura. And now…

…_Now he didn't know if he could ever want him again._

He picked his shirt up off of the ground, and pulled it on. It was wet, from sitting on the ground and getting rained on. He didn't know when it had started raining. But the droplets of water were falling at an increasing pace. He hugged himself, his hands rubbing along his arms.

Carefully, he began the trek home.

**--**

He woke up to being shaken. Warm hands kept shaking his shoulder. But his whole body ached. _He_ ached. Groggy from his lack of sleep, he allowed himself to peek out through half lidded eyes.

_He let out a blood curdling scream, as he leapt back._

The raven jumped back, startled,

"Holy _shit_ Fai! What the hell is the matter with you?!"

The blonde couldn't find his voice. _This_ was the Kurogane he knew. _His samurai. _The tough exterior with the soft spot specifically designed for the blonde - which was used whenever the time was right.

He was so familiar that it was scary…

"Ooi! Mage…"

"…N-Nothing. I…I'm fine. I'm uh…I'm not feeling too well. You and the others go on without me," the blonde buried his face in his pillow. He didn't want to see the raven. But he did. His mind was going through the largest controversy…

He wanted him near him, because he was his sanity…His anchor…

He didn't want to be near him, because of what had happened the other night…

"Where were you last night?" The rough voice questioned, the tone having softened.

"…"

"I waited up for you for a few hours…I must have fallen asleep, because you were here when I woke up again."

"…I went for a walk," the blonde murmured.

Kurogane didn't push him to answer anything more. The raven simply took the hint, and left Fai alone in their room.

**--**

"He doesn't feel well?" Sakura questioned, a frown on her face.

"Yeah, said he doesn't feel good. He wants us to go on without him, to look for the feather."

"Will he be alright home alone? My daughter and I are going out for the day…" Chun Hyang's Mother spoke up, from the kitchen.

"He should be fine. I think he just wants to sleep…He came home late last night…" The samurai was worried about that. He hadn't heard Fai come in at all - he'd been so deep in his sleep. But when he'd woken, he found the males soaking clothes in the small bathroom that their shared room connected to. They were piled up in the tub. When he'd looked to the blonde, he found that he was dressed in his full pajamas, with the shirt done up, all the way. The night before, the male had left it half undone…

The blankets had been wrapped around him rather tightly, and his face looked pained - even as he slept.

Kurogane didn't know what had happened the other night…But he was worried about the blonde. He wanted to stay behind to keep him company…But Fai would probably sleep his day away anyways. And the male had seemed very adamant about being left behind for the day.

**--**

Fai heard the door close, and lock behind Chun Hyang's Mother. His friends had already left, and she had made sure that she was the last to go, so that she could lock the door. She had given Mokona a spare key, and he'd stored it away in the same way that he stored everyone's belongings.

The blonde curled himself around his pillow, his eyes once again wet with tears.

He had worried about how he would keep Kurogane away.

_He should have been careful about what he wished for._

**(A.N: Yeah, so…Please don't hurt me you guys? R&R?)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**(A.N: Sorry I haven't been updating this fanfic too much guys. Gomen! I've been really focused on my "A Walk To Remember," fic and…Yeah. But here's an update? Poor Fai…I'm so sorry that I made you all emo and depressed! -Hugs him- ****OOC WARNING!!! Dashes are time passing, or scene changes.**** You know the drill! R&R?) **

**--**

"Would you please go and wake up Fai, Kurogane?" Sakura questioned, poking her head out of the kitchen. They had gone out for the day, but they hadn't found a feather. Mokona wasn't sure that there _was_ one. The raven nodded silently, and headed for the stairs. He went up them at a leisurely pace.

He couldn't get the blondes scream out of his head. Fai had been _terrified_…And it had been _painfully obvious. _Kurogane _wanted_ to believe that the male had been having a nightmare…But something told him it was so much more than that. What made matters worse, was the fact that Fai had been out late the night before.

_Alone._

The raven moved down to their room at a slightly faster pace. When he reached their door, he knocked first - he didn't want to barge in to find the blonde changing. Though, there was a bathroom in their room, and he was pretty sure Fai would go in there to change. Pushing the door open, when there wasn't an answer, he was met with two empty beds. The light in the washroom was on, but there was no sound.

"Mage?" He called.

"…Just got out of a shower," the blonde answered, his voice weak, and hoarse…

"You alright?" Kurogane softened his tone.

"Fine."

"…Fai, you sound like _death_."

"I _told _you, I'm _fine!_" He sounded like he was straining himself to yell.

"…Dinner is almost ready. Should be done when you get downstairs," Kurogane informed him. He sighed,

"Take your time though."

He shut the door.

**--**

Fai waited for the sound of retreating footsteps. He was standing with a towel around his waist, and he'd been drying his hair with another - smaller - towel, until the raven had come up to the door. It was at that point that his entire body had frozen. Kurogane had not approached the bathroom door. He hadn't come near him. But his voice alone had been _more _than enough.

Fai's memories came from two _very_ distinctly different places. His heart, which knew his raven so well that it was almost frightening. And his mind, which tormented him with his nightmares of the prior.

He shuddered and tried to get dry quicker. But he knew that even when he finally was wrapped up in his clothing…He still wouldn't feel warm enough.

_And he wondered if he could stop his shaking._

**--**

"He'll be down soon," the samurai's voice reached them before he himself did,

"He just took a shower, so…" He knew he didn't need to say anything more.

"You okay Kurogane?" Syaoran's voice questioned from the base of the staircase. The raven didn't answer. Something was terribly wrong with Fai…And that _scared_ him. The blonde had screamed at the mere _sight_ of him today. Had he been dreaming? Having a nightmare?

…_No, it must be something much more severe._

The Princess appeared by Syaoran, looking worried.

"Should I go up and talk to him?"

The raven took his chances, and nodded. Maybe Sakura could comfort him. She was young, sure, but she was smart. And she was one of the closest people to Fai.

**--**

Someone knocked on his bedroom door, and he felt his entire body freeze.

"Fai? It's me."

He sighed in relief, and forced his smile onto his face,

"Come in."

She stepped into his room, closing the door behind herself. She looked confused, and worried. Was his mask not on right? Was he not smiling big enough? Could she see it in his eyes? Why hadn't be bothered to close his eyes?! But…He _knew_ why…

_Because when his eyes were closed, the nightmarish images returned._

"Fai? Are you alright?"

A quick nod, and he gathered his voice, forcing it out,

"I'm fine…Really, I'm --" His sentence cut off. He couldn't bring himself to force out the lie. He couldn't keep up the smile. His memories were haunted and tainted. Everything that could possibly be wrong, currently was. He was falling to pieces…And he was falling _too fast…_

"Oh Fai…" Sakura was beside him in seconds. He couldn't form any logical sentences at first. Just a lot of sobbing incoherency. She only made sense of a few things from what he was saying:

First was her name, so he was addressing her as she crouched with him, her arms around him in comfort as he cried against her. Second were words like; _help me _and _I need your help. _This worried her. It was _bad enough _that the blonde was a crying mess - something that never happened in front of her - but what made it worse was that Kurogane had summoned her to go upstairs. Whatever was wrong, the samurai apparently hadn't been able to assist the blonde in the matter.

Next came something that made her understand the situation a little bit better. Fai uttered the words; _I didn't want Kurogane near me. _So it wasn't that the raven hadn't been able _to_ help…It was more like he hadn't been _allowed_ to.

"I-I'm sorry, Sakura…I need you to…Help me…I can't stay, in this room, anymore…I can't be…With-with…_Kurogane_…"

"Fai…Would you feel better if you and I shared a room, while Syaoran and Kurogane shared a room?"

The blonde nodded gently. He felt so ridiculous and low. _He hated this. _Sakura brushed her fingers through Fai's hair.

"I'll go and tell the others about it. I know Syaoran won't mind…And we'll switch your bed sheets so that you both still have your pillows and blankets…I'll talk to them now, and we'll make the changes…And then you can go to our room if you want…I'll bring supper to you, if you don't want to come down."

Fai hugged her tighter, feeling ridiculous for having to ask a young girl to save him. For someone who had lived as long as he had…He was _utterly pathetic._

"Thank you," he murmured. She nodded silently.

**--**

"Princess, you're back," the familiar voice of the brunette reached her as she stepped into the dining room.

"How's…?" The samurai looked anxious, and Sakura shook her head, sadly,

"He's okay. But…We need to talk, as a group."

"Is there something we can do to help?" Chun Hyang's Mother asked, as she set another dish on the cloth on the table,

"Chun Hyang, please, eat some of your vegetables," she scolded her daughter lightly to the side of their conversation.

"We're thinking of making sleeping arrangement changes…If that's alright?"

"Of course," the Mother agreed,

"Is that blonde friend of yours not feeling well?"

"He's upset. He hasn't given me details yet, but he doesn't want to come down."

"Well, he can eat in his room then…After you make arrangement changes."

"Thank you," Sakura nodded, and looked to her friends. They excused themselves to the living room to have a word with one another.

"What's going on Princess?" Syaoran wondered, looking worried.

"Fai hasn't said what's wrong yet, so I'm still kind of confused, but he's made something clear. Syaoran, you and Fai…Can you two switch rooms?"

The brunette blinked, surprised. The raven's eyes went wide. Syaoran nodded,

"I don't see that being a problem on my end…Kurogane?"

Regaining some composure, the samurai shrugged indifferently,

"Whatever."

"Alright, Syaoran and I will go and swap the sheets with his bed and Fai's bed now then. That way I can bring Fai some supper."

**--**

Fai sat on the edge of his new bed, staring at the one across the room from his. It was Sakura who would sleep there. He was comfortable around her…She was nothing like Kurogane. She was female, for one thing, so the body parts were different…She was a lot shorter…And she was always smiling…

He looked to his food, which was sitting on the bedside table. He wasn't hungry. But he'd force fed himself until he was halfway through the meal. Then he decided to wait a little while before he tried to eat any more.

At least, that had been his _plan._

He felt the contents of his stomach churning, and he rose, staggering. He rushed to the bathroom, and locked the door. He collapsed to his knees, retching into the toilet.

Had he not been through enough?

Had he not _lost_ enough?

He was _already_ scared of the place that he'd called home for so many years. He was terrified of the face of the man who'd raised him from a young age. His _family_ was _dead. _He hated his own _reflection…_

…_And now he feared the face of the person he loved most._

He was gasping for air, trying to ignore the bile in his throat. Trying to ignore the nightmarish images that were floating in and out of focus. He tried to forget being alone on his walk…He tried to forget the alley…He tried to forget what had happened there…

_But most of all he tried to forget who had done this to him._

**--**

"I went in to check on him again just now…He's in the washroom. Apparently he doesn't feel so well." Sakura set down his half eaten plate of food,

"He asked me to bring this back down to the kitchen. He said he wasn't hungry…I wish I knew what was wrong." Her face was sad. She felt terrible, not being able to help Fai.

"Well…Perhaps he'll tell you what's going on when he feels the time is right," Chun Hyang's Mother answered, trying to console the young girl. She took the plate from her, scraping the leftovers into the garbage. But Sakura was shaking her head from side to side, slowly. When she stopped, she spoke,

"He isn't like that. He never has been. He's completely alright with us telling him about our problems, and with us coming to him for advice…But he never does the same. He keeps everything locked away inside. I try to act oblivious, but a piece of me knows, and it hurts."

"Well…Doesn't he have anyone in the group who he's close to? I mean, in comparison to the rest of the group."

The emerald eyed girl thought it over. She knew her answer didn't lie in Syaoran, nor did it lie in Mokona. And she knew she wasn't the answer either. But that was the problem. His closest link was the person he couldn't bear to share a room with.

_Why?_

"You're giving this some thought…" The Mother murmured, curious. She was scrubbing away at a plate.

"…His closest friend among us, is Kurogane. But…That's the person he seems to be trying to get away from…"

"Maybe something happened?"

"They weren't alone for _too_ long…Fai went out on his own last night though…"

The raven was listening from the other room. Something clicked with an audio able sound. He didn't waste much time. As quietly as he could manage, he hurried up to Sakura and Fai's shared room. He knocked on the first door, but the answer he received was muffled. Pushing open the door, he looked around. The blonde was still in the washroom. He wandered over to that door and knocked lightly.

"I'll be out in a moment!" Fai called out, trying to sound cheery.

"Ooi."

His entire body froze. There was a locked door standing in their way, but how much good would _that_ do for him? He'd seen the raven knock down an entire area of wall with his bare fist.

A locked door _wouldn't _deter him.

"Ooi, mage. I want to know something." He paused for a moment, before he sighed in frustration,

"Did something…Happen to you…Last night?"

The blonde tried not to let his voice falter,

"…Of course not!" That was his key. Keep his voice light, cheery…Don't let him see through the act. Don't let _anyone_ see.

"Liar!" Kurogane's voice shouted, and Fai flinched unintentionally. The raven sighed on the other side of the door.

"Listen, mage. You and I both know, that I could easily pull this damned door off of its hinges…But I'm not going to."

The blonde looked to the door.

"Because whatever happened last night…It scared the hell out of you."

For one Earth shattering moment, Fai wanted to come clean. He wanted to confess what had happened the night prior. Though he supposed it wouldn't be a confession really…More like he wanted to tell the raven what had happened…_And who had done it._

But Kurogane…The blonde knew it would _kill_ the samurai to know it was _his_ double who had ruined him. Though for some reason he felt as though the male already knew…

"…I'm going back downstairs." And it was the truth. Fai heard retreating footsteps. Heard a door slam shut. Kurogane was mad. _Livid. _But he wasn't angry with the blonde…Well…A _little bit. _But only because he'd lied. Mainly he was blaming himself for not going with him on the walk. Not insisting on it.

_Not protecting him._

**--**

He'd cleaned himself back up, and was now lying in bed. Their door had a brand new sliding bar lock installed. It was meant to be protection, for Fai. But he knew well enough to know that a lock and a door would never be enough to stop the samurai from entering if he wanted to.

Which apparently, he didn't. He never once came to the door. He walked past it, but he'd been moving something for the Mother who'd let them stay in her home. He hadn't knocked again. Hadn't even called the blondes name.

Was it wrong that a part of Fai held on…_Waiting? _He kept waiting for the raven to say his name. Kept waiting for him to knock, to call out to him in Japanese. That familiar little greeting. Waiting for something, _anything…_

_But Kurogane never showed up._

The blonde felt like a spy that night, when he snuck out of his room. Sakura was fast asleep, with Mokona curled up beside her. The wizard was careful as he unlocked the door before pulling it open. The hallways were dark, with minimal lighting. Everyone was sleeping.

He crept through the hall, towards the ravens shared room. When he got there, he pressed his ear to the door, listening. The sounds of sleep greeted his ears, and he smiled. Gripping the handle gently, he twisted the knob to open the door, and pushed.

Syaoran was fast asleep on Fai's former mattress. He'd curled himself up into a ball. And Kurogane…The raven was lying on his side, brow no longer creased in a scowl. For once, he looked _peaceful. _His breaths were slow and even. He looked younger when he wasn't scowling. It was so _strange_ to Fai…Usually the samurai had at least a small scowl on his face…But right now, his brows weren't creased in the slightest.

The blonde was surprised to find himself compelled to move forward. He didn't let himself, of course, because he wasn't quite ready to be that _close. _But he didn't feel as afraid as he _thought_ he would. Maybe it was because he knew that his samurai and the double he'd met up with the night prior, were _not_ the same people. No matter how alike they may look.

There was a mumbling sound, and the blonde refocused his attention of Kurogane.

"…Whathappenedtoyou?" The question was pressed together with sleep, but still, for a moment, Fai thought the male had woken. He knew it was a question the raven wanted him to answer. Wanted him to answer with the _truth. _Even as he slept, he still wanted to know…

Fai blushed slightly as it dawned on him. If the question was aimed at _him, _and the raven was asking in his _dream_…Then…

_He was dreaming about Fai._

"I told you already," he whispered pointlessly, in that fake, cheerful voice,

"Nothing happened."

**--**

**(A.N: Okay, sorry this took so long for me to post! GAH! But it's an update? Hopefully you guys like it…I know they're rather OOC in this fanfic, and I'm sorry for that, but…Yeah. Poor Fai! He wants to be with Kurogane, and he doesn't. Hmm, I'm a twisted soul. -Nods- R&R? Love you guys!)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**(A.N:** Please...Don't kill me! I haven't updated this in nine months...And I feel really bad about it...But I wasn't as inspired for this one as I was for some of my other work...And I don't like half-assing my writing...So I waited...Gomen nasai! **TT** means time passing or scene changes. **R&R?)**

**TT**

This had been going on for a while now.

They had been travelling from world to world, but they kept their sleeping arrangements the same. And every night...It was the same.

Fai would sneak out of his room, and wander into the room that Kurogane shared with Syaoran. Each time, he moved a little bit closer to the raven. Each night, he overcame a few more of his fears, and encouraged himself to remain near him...

And during the days, he practiced making eye contact with him.

As hard as it was...He was getting better at it.

But something else was going on during the nights. It bothered the blonde, made him afraid. Not _of_ the male, but _for_ the male.

_Kurogane was having nightmares._

A month had gone by, and Fai was slowly regaining his trust in the raven. Slowly, but gradually. And he was beginning to remember why he'd fallen for him in the first place.

But tonight...It was so hard to watch the raven tossing and turning...

"Kurogane-san?" Syraoran's voice questioned, as the young brunette opened his eyes to the sound of the male rustling beneath his blankets.

Fai was in the doorway, watching in silence.

But he was concerned, so he cleared his throat,

"Go back to sleep, Syaoran-kun."

"Fai-san?" He stared in bewilderment.

"Mm. Go back to sleep."

"But Kurogane-san is-!"

"—I'll wake him up. Just...Just go back to sleep." The blonde stepped into his room, trembling slightly.

Syaoran nodded and rolled over, turning himself away. He knew the blonde wanted privacy.

Fai approached Kurogane slowly. He'd done this so many times before, hadn't he? Approached him...Spoken to him while he slept...

_But this was different._

He paused at the males bedside, and swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. Brushing his fingers through the raven locks, he whispered to him,

"...Kuro-rin..._Kuro-rin_...Relax now...You're dreaming...It's all just a dream...Everything's fine..."

The raven slowly stopped shifting, and came to a rest. Fai gingerly traced the ravens features, before he realized what he was doing, and pulled his hand away.

_But a warm hand closed around his wrist._

"...It's not all some dream that I can wake up from. It doesn't matter if I'm awake or sleeping...It's still happening...You're _still_ scared of me, and you won't tell me _why_..." He released the pale wrist from his hold – keeping his eyes shut.

"...How long have you been awake...?"

"...Long enough," he muttered, rolling onto his side, and tucking an arm under the pillow.

Fai stared at him, unsure of what he should do.

This was the first time that they'd actually had a conversation...The first one in a _month..._

_And he wasn't as terrified as he thought he'd be._

"...Go back to bed, mage," the raven mumbled, keeping his eyes shut.

_Fai didn't move. _

Behind him, Syaoran announced that he was going to go and sleep on the floor of Fai and Sakura's shared room. And then, he left.

The blonde still didn't move.

Kurogane sighed, sounding frustrated,

"Just, go back to bed mage."

"...No." It felt good to say something against him. It was familiar...

"Why not?"

"...Because this is the first conversation we've had in a _month._"

"And whose fault is that?" The raven grumbled, scoffing at the blondes words.

Fai couldn't force himself to answer. _Technically,_ it wasn't_ his_ fault that they hadn't been talking...And it wasn't Kurogane's fault either...

At least, not _this_ Kurogane.

His _double_ was meant to take the blame...

"...Fai?"

When the blonde didn't answer, the raven sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to come up with something to say.

"..." Fai couldn't force himself to speak. He'd used his name...The name that he lived under.

_Fai._

"Ooi," Kurogane's voice sounded once again. He was lying on his back, with one hand covering his left eye, as he gripped his head. His right eye was open, and focusing in on the blondes gaze.

He should have been terrified...Meeting the gaze...

But this was _his_ Kurogane. His samurai, with the gruffer voice, and the warmer body temperature.

_The raven that would never hurt him._

"...Kergs..."

The males eyebrow went up as he watched the blonde. The red eyed male looked concerned, and confused...

"...I-I can't..." It wasn't like him to stutter, but he was having trouble forcing the words out.

How was he supposed to tell him that he'd been raped by the ravens _double?_ Could he even say the word?

"...You can't what?"

"...I...I can't tell you...About...About what happened..." He swallowed hard as he spoke.

Kurogane sat up.

"...I should go...I'm sorry for waking you..." He tried to escape, but the raven was behind him already, and – before he could even pull the door open – there was a large, tan hand pressed against it.

The blonde spun around to face him – not wanting him behind him.

"Start talking, mage."

"..." He studied the males face. They were so different...While one hadn't been scowling as deeply, and was cold to the touch, and calling him by his birth name...The one he_ loved_ had a deep scowl...An almost permanent scowl. He was warm to the touch, and he didn't even know that Fai wasn't who he claimed to be.

"...Fai?"

"Hm?" He surprised himself by responding to the name. He blinked, before he set his blue eyes on the samurai once more.

"...It was my double...Wasn't it?"

"..."

"...I don't know what he did...But I know that whatever it was...He scared the shit out of you...You screamed bloody murder when you saw me the next day...You've been avoiding me for a month...And I know for a fact that you've been sneaking in here night after night...You keep trying to overcome this fear that you have..."

So he'd known all along? How had he found out?

"...I'm a _samurai,_ Fai. My ears are alert no matter what's going on. I knew you weren't the enemy...But I woke up the first time wondering what was going on...Then I recognized your presence...And you just kept coming back..."

"..."

"...You were whispering sometimes...Saying things, to yourself...You kept telling yourself that I wasn't the one who'd done it, and that I would never hurt you..."

"..."

"...What happened to you?" He looked so broken and worried. It was the first time Fai had ever seen him looking like this.

"...I...I was...I-I can't say it, Kergs..." It was so hard. It meant admitting to everything...Admitting to shame...

Because hadn't he moaned at the touch, despite his fear?

He'd been terrified...He definitely wasn't used to intimacy of _that_ level...Especially considering he and Kurogane were just touching bases on some of the basic levels of intimacy...

But he couldn't deny that...Despite being terrified out of his mind...Despite how wrong it had felt – wrong because it wasn't his samurai – and despite the fact that he had been begging for the double to stop in quiet pleas...

Despite it all, he'd still been moaning.

_And he was ashamed._

"I just...I can't..." He covered his face with both of his hands. He wasn't sure when he'd started to cry. He hadn't realized that there tears streaming down his face...

_He just knew that he hated himself._

"...Ooi...Are you...?"

"..." He didn't speak, because he didn't trust his voice.

"...You're _crying_..._Fai_...Tell me what's wrong..."

The blonde kept his hands over his face, but shook his head. He couldn't speak. He couldn't...

Kurogane didn't speak anymore after that. Fai heard him walking away, and blindly reached out a shaking hand to grab a hold of the males shirt. He didn't want him to go...No matter how afraid he'd been that night...

_He couldn't lose Kurogane..._

"I'll be right back," the ravens voice reassured him. The blonde released his shirt – surprised with himself for having taken a hold of it at all.

Kurogane was true to his word, and returned a moment later, chucking something onto the blonde before him. Fai felt it land on his head, and hang over his face, and body...

He didn't know how to react, when he realized what it was. His legs moved, allowing him to take that small step backwards – his back pressed to the door. He slid to the floor, and listened to the ravens retreating footsteps once more.

His trembling hands returned to covering his face, as he released a soft sob. Kurogane had thrown a blanket on him...He was looking out for him...

He didn't know what to say...So he uttered the only thing that he could think of,

"...I was raped..."

_There was a loud bang._

Fai wasn't sure what the noise was, but he heard something afterwards that sounded sort of like _crumbling_...And then Syaoran knocked on the door behind him...

"Kurogane-san! Fai-san! Are you alright?"

"We're fine, kid. That was me..." Kurogane muttered – saying it loud enough for the boy to hear.

"...Is something wrong?"

"...We're fine. Go back to your Princess." The raven sounded both frustrated, and yet, calm. He wasn't mad at Syaoran, and he didn't want him to get the idea that he was...

"...Alright," the young brunette agreed finally, and they heard him returning to Sakura and Fai's shared room.

Kurogane sighed,

"We're lucky no one lives here...Or else someone would be pissed off to see what I just did to this wall..."

Fai pulled on the blanket, until he found the edge. He pulled it so that it was worn as a hooded cloak, and got to his feet – carefully – keeping his head bowed. His gaze turned upward, so that he could see what it was that the raven had done.

There was a circular area where the ravens fist had clearly hit the wall...And all around that area, the wall was cracked – tilting towards the – almost – hole.

The crumbling noise that he'd heard had been bits of the wall falling to the floor after Kurogane's fist had crashed into it.

He watched as the raven leaned against the table that was sitting behind him. He used both of his hands for support, even though he didn't need to. Red eyes disappeared behind tan eyelids, and Fai chewed on his bottom lip in thought. He only fought himself for a couple a minutes, before he swallowed his nerves and took a step forward.

This step was followed by a few more...Which slowed down as he drew nearer. The closer he got to the raven, the more nervous he became...But it wasn't because he was afraid of him.

_It was because he was afraid of what it was that he was about to do._

Kurogane's eyes opened when he realized that the blonde was extremely close. Closer than he remembered him being in all of their time spent together...

He went to lift his left hand to reach out to him, but Fai caught his wrist, and held onto him. He didn't make eye contact. He simply shook his head; _no._

The taller male kept his right hand on the table. Closing his eyes, he sighed,

"Fai, what are you trying to-?"

His sentence was cut off by an unexpected pair of lips.

His eyes flew open, to find that the blonde had closed his own eyes. He also realized that – despite his shock – his lips were responding. He stared at the blonde for a moment longer – taking in the tear droplets in the males lashes, and the stained cheeks.

And then – sighing into the kiss – he closed his eyes and allowed Fai to lead.

He wouldn't force him into anything that he didn't want. He wasn't even going to _touch_ him. He kept one hand firmly on the table, and left the other hand open – while Fai held on to his wrist. He hadn't failed to notice that there was a pale hand on his chest as well...

He would stop when the blonde did, and he would accept whatever came to him, he decided. It would be the best thing for both of them. Don't push anything. Just take things in stride...

When the blonde managed to pull away again – they were both panting slightly. Fai allowed himself to ease off of his tippy toes, and stared at his feet,

"...Sorry."

"...Don't be." He wasn't mad. Surprised, sure...But _mad?_ Mad was the exact opposite of how he was feeling.

Fai nodded silently, and turned towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

The blonde didn't answer, but he left the bedroom door open after stepping outside of it.

**TT**

He knocked before entering the room. Gently, of course. And then he stepped around the brunette – who had sprawled himself out on the floor – and picked up his own pillow. Then, clutching it to his chest with one arm, he crouched down and used his free hand to poke the brown eyed male.

Syaoran opened his eyes tiredly.

"Syaoran-kun – you can have the bed. I'm going to sleep in the other room."

"...You're okay, Fai-san?"

"Hmm...I'm alright. I won't say that I'm completely better...But I'm definitely feeling much better than I had been feeling for the past month."

"...I'm happy to hear that. The Princess will be happy to hear it too."

"Mokona is happy to hear it too!" Another voice announced in a loud whisper.

Fai chuckled at his enthusiastic companion,

"Alright. Syaoran-kun, you get in to bed and sleep there...There's no reason for you to stay on the floor like that. And Mokona – go back to sleep. I'll see you all in the morning."

**TT**

He was surprised when the blonde walked back in – carrying his pillow. It surprised him even more when the male closed the door behind himself, stretched, and climbed into what had been Syaoran's bed.

He returned to his own bed, and lied himself back down – staring at the ceiling. He waited for Fai to speak...But nothing happened. The blue eyes closed slowly, and the breathing eventually evened out...And that was it. The blonde was asleep within minutes.

Kurogane just stared at the ceiling. He was lost in his thoughts.

_Raped._

Fai had been raped.

By_ his_ double.

He sighed, frustrated. It wasn't right. Fai had been through more than enough in his lifetime – it was clear in his eyes. Obvious in that lying mask of a smile. The blonde often dropped his guard around the raven, and he'd made it very clear that his past was a terrible thing – without ever saying a word.

_And now he was trying to overcome his fear of Kurogane himself._

The raven sighed again. He never should have let the male go for a walk alone...At night...In a big city that they were both so unfamiliar with. The more he considered it, the more idiotic he felt. He might as well have sent the male out with a sign around his neck.

He glanced at the blonde now, and cursed himself as he turned away. He knew why his double had gone after him...It made sense. While their relationship was still in an early stage, it existed nonetheless. His double must have had the same relationship with Fai's double.

Only _clearly_ they had passed the early stages. They were very deep into their relationship, it seemed.

_He kind of envied that._

It wasn't a sexual thing, in his eyes. It wasn't that he wanted Fai that way...Well, he wouldn't object to the idea either, but he didn't want to force anything on him. He just wished that he could have more of what he had had tonight. More intimacy – even if it wasn't anything sexual.

He licked his lips subconsciously – tasting the residue of their kiss.

And then he sighed, as he rolled onto his side – his back to Fai.

The blonde was dangerously beautiful, and the way they fit together...It was absolutely _maddening._

**TT**

When he woke to an empty room, he was momentarily worried. But, as he sat up, he found the note. Which wasn't really a note...But a picture. Which had clearly been drawn by Fai.

He picked it up, and checked the image.

There was a cat face – which he facepalmed at the sight of, because clearly it was meant to represent Fai. _Damn Outo Country._ Next to the cat face, there was an arrow pointing down. So, he was downstairs. And next to the arrow, he'd drawn a fork...But he'd x-ed it out, which made Kurogane arch a brow. There were also a bunch of dots where the male had clearly been tapping away in thought. And then...There was another design, which almost looked like an _'X,'_ except for the fact that the tops started off thick, but the bodies slimmed down and crossed near the bottom.

_Chopsticks._

He smiled.

**TT**

**(A.N: Sorry for not updating this sooner you guys! R&R? If you forgive me).**


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